Why yes indeed,
I rode my steed
To do the deed
Of rescue.
For a maiden fair
I did ride there,
My only care
To rescue.
I slayed the foe
That guards her, though
I only did so
To rescue
That stolen dame.
I would lay claim
To lass and fame
Through rescue.
The door open wide
I rushed inside
To where she does reside
To rescue.
When I did, I saw
A girl with bloody maw
Holding a chainsaw.
Now my rescue
Seemed quite in doubt.
As it turns out
Well, could you help me out?
I need rescue.
Filed under Poems
You’d think that I
The matchmaker
Would find a lovely wife.
Alas, somehow
I’m lonely still,
But making fires is no strife.
Filed under Poems
Look at me,
Your darling man,
And tell me what you see.
Are bulging arms
And washboard abs
All there is to me?
Is my gleaming hair
In the setting sun
What makes your heart seek mine?
Is it how I flee
When your husband gets home
At 8:00 instead of 9:00?
Filed under Poems
“What’s your favorite body part?”
The online survey said.
I wrote “chest hair.” I’m a guy,
And thus my empty bed.
Filed under Poems
I paid through the nose
In blood sweat and tears
To earn the love of my Lisa.
She’s worth every drop,
But before you propose
Best to ask if your love accepts Visa.
Filed under Poems
Baby, I want you to know
I’d sacrifice anything for your love.
Say the word and I’ll do it,
Be it goat, virgin, or dove.
Filed under Poems
When she looks at me
Children scream and flowers die.
Probably no big deal…
Filed under Poems
I’ve played the trombone
Since I was eight-years-old.
“No one loves trombonists”
I’ve frequently been told.
Despite this I persisted
With an empty heart and bed,
But now I think I’ve had enough.
I’ll play the accordian instead.
Filed under Poems
To those of you
Who’ve found a love,
Or maybe just a date,
Tomorrow you’ll
Have happiness
From early until late.
For those like me
Who are alone,
Why are you still reading this?
You’ve still got
Some hours left!
Find something not-too-gross to kiss!
Filed under Poems
If I were born with tentacles
Sticking out of my head
At first I’d think my life was rather sad,
But I could meet a pretty squid
And maybe have a kid
And then it wouldn’t be nearly as bad.
So if you have no limbs
Or an extra toe or two
Don’t worry. You’ll find love for sure!
You’ll find the one, I guarantee
Unless you are like me,
That is: online, honest, and five-foot four.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 