He offers a sideways glance.
She says “I have a boyfriend.”
Because of the the few, so many
Potential friendships this way end.
Tag Archives: Love
The Subtle Hintings of a Partially-Loved Poet
This blog of ours has followers
That number 699.
If we can get to 700
That would be so mighty fine
‘Cause if we reach 700
Then a thousand’s pretty close
And that’s a number to be proud of
Whether it is net or gross.
And when we hit a thousand
Followers of this page
Then why not get a thousand more
And make these poems all the rage
And all the poetic hipsters
Can say “I followed it first!”
And by then we’ll have ten thousand
And I’ll be proud enough to burst.
Given time we’ll pass the thousands
And we will be one million strong
And you, follower 700
Will have been there all along.
And if you aren’t convinced yet
By this hypothetical boast
At 700 my parents will love me
And that’s what means the most.
Filed under Poems
Regarding The Going-On of Hearts (Near, Far, Wherever…)
As icy water wraps me
Like Satan’s comfort blanket
The naked truth hits me
Like one of my French girls.
I realize that I will die
And almost certainly not win an Oscar.
I look out on the ocean,
Green waves far away massage
Where the shore’s shoulders would be
If the shore had shoulders.
A cold wind turns the surface
Into a speckled visage,
The watery face of a teenage boy
If that’s what the ocean were.
Leagues below, seaweed dances
As a beloved mermaid sings
About how unsatisfied she is
With royalty and wealth.
All I hear is screaming,
The sound of burning wreckage
Sinking below the surface,
And Celine Dion warming up offstage.
As I gaze into the eyes of my love
Whom I met a few hours ago
My suffering diminishes
For I do not suffer alone.
A thousand boyfriends will share
This 214-minute suffering
For so long as home videos exist.
I was her shoulder to cry on,
Something the shoulderless shore
Will never be.
Okay, I’m cold now.
Filed under Poems
Fixer-Upper Relationships
Why yes indeed,
I rode my steed
To do the deed
Of rescue.
For a maiden fair
I did ride there,
My only care
To rescue.
I slayed the foe
That guards her, though
I only did so
To rescue
That stolen dame.
I would lay claim
To lass and fame
Through rescue.
The door open wide
I rushed inside
To where she does reside
To rescue.
When I did, I saw
A girl with bloody maw
Holding a chainsaw.
Now my rescue
Seemed quite in doubt.
As it turns out
Well, could you help me out?
I need rescue.
Filed under Poems
Matchmaker
You’d think that I
The matchmaker
Would find a lovely wife.
Alas, somehow
I’m lonely still,
But making fires is no strife.
Filed under Poems
What Gets You Going
Look at me,
Your darling man,
And tell me what you see.
Are bulging arms
And washboard abs
All there is to me?
Is my gleaming hair
In the setting sun
What makes your heart seek mine?
Is it how I flee
When your husband gets home
At 8:00 instead of 9:00?
Filed under Poems
Honest Guy Problems
“What’s your favorite body part?”
The online survey said.
I wrote “chest hair.” I’m a guy,
And thus my empty bed.
Filed under Poems
No Free Love
I paid through the nose
In blood sweat and tears
To earn the love of my Lisa.
She’s worth every drop,
But before you propose
Best to ask if your love accepts Visa.
Filed under Poems
Pagan Pickup Lines
Baby, I want you to know
I’d sacrifice anything for your love.
Say the word and I’ll do it,
Be it goat, virgin, or dove.
Filed under Poems
Blind Dates
When she looks at me
Children scream and flowers die.
Probably no big deal…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 