My girl made me a sandwich
And left a little note:
“Sandwich in the fridge. I love you!”
That was all she wrote.
That was all I needed
To get me through the day
And made every struggle, small and large,
Seem perfectly okay.
So when your boyfriend, husband,
Or another man declares
“Go make me a sandwich”
It shows you that he cares
Enough about your love to ask
For what he really needs.
If you want true love to grow
That’s how to sow the seeds.
Filed under Poems
I wanted inspiration
So I asked my girlfriend to tell
Me anything that starts with a”A”.
It didn’t go so well…
“Um… um…” my girlfriend mumbled
As I asked again, “What starts with A?”
Finally she said, slightly annoyed
“Anchovie.” Then she said “Okay.”
I asked her to say literally anything
And she replied again “Hm.”
Then she pretended she didn’t hear the question
And said “David! David! Bum.”
It didn’t make for a masterpiece
But she inspired this poem you’re reading.
Now I’ll let you get back to your life
And let mom get back to her beading.
Filed under Poems
I love myself. I’m awesome.
I do, myself, amaze.
I really am incredible
In oh so many ways.
That’s why I decided
To buy myself a ring
And propose to myself romantically
While the doves of morning sing.
Alas, I’m so amazing
That I’m too good for me
So I turned down the proposal
And sobbed and said “Hehe.”
I am all distraught, and yet
I’m strong of will and mettle
Knowing that I’m great enough
To never, ever settle.
Filed under Poems
Textured washcloth in a pastel color,
I love how my skin you exfoliate.
You make my oily skin look so duller;
For your great glory, I extoll ye, mate!
When I am lonely and in a great need
Of very crude and masculine release
I need no manual to for to read
To help you bring me to a restful peace.
You cost so little, less than fifty cents
And you loyally last my whole life long;
Textured pastel washcloth, I ask you whence
Did you become so grand, forever strong?
You are more than just a cheap toiletry;
You, my washcloth, are the best part of me!
Filed under Poems
Hey girl! Are you a sitting duck
Or you the broadside of a barn
Or another easy-target such-and-such?
You’re amazing and you’re super
And I feel like a storm trooper
‘Cause it’s crazy, missing you this much.
Filed under Poems
At wee early hour on the hills by my home
I’d knock on your door, heart a burning
To dance there with you
And the golden morning dew,
Giving thanks that the world keeps a turning.
When sun finally breaks, gold and heavy that morn
And we stride proud below sky a burning
I’ll feel like a king
With the first bud of the Spring
And give thanks that the world keeps a turning.
The sun at it’s apex, a blanket beneath,
And two lovers for picnic are yearning.
Her hair smooth as silk
They drink honey and the milk
In the garden of Earth, still a turning.
As years turn to lifetimes and bodies to dust
The couple does not cease their learning.
They lie, cold and still
And the two become the hill,
Still part of the world ever turning.
Remember the sunshine. Remember the lifetime.
Remember the sweet butter churning.
Remember the dawn
For someday the Earth will yawn
And together we’ll rest from the turning.
My girl is sexier than yours.
She could knock hinges off doors.
She has pretty knees and toes
And looks good with and without clothes.
She has pretty auburn hair
And says fancy stuff like “Au contraire”.
She’s the girl I’m going to marry…
Who cares if she’s imaginary?
Filed under Poems
There once was a belly-up cat
Whose entire body was made of fat.
He lay on his back,
Then with claws did attack
And then fell asleep just like that!
Filed under Poems
You told me that you’re broken
But I have to disagree.
You’re at the disadvantage
Of not seeing what I see.
You don’t see my future
When mascara washes away;
You don’t see the smile
I ask God for when I pray;
You don’t hear the stars align
Every time you laugh and sing.
Even when you feel broken
You’re my everything.
So when you say you’re broken
Disbelieve a little while
While I become a mirror
To show you how you smile,
How you laugh and how you sing
And cry but keep on living;
I want to reflect to you
The love you’re always giving
Until the sun will rise again
And together we will shine
And find your broken pieces
Fit perfectly with mine.
Filed under Poems
Happy Birthday Mother!
You gave birth like no other
Yo me and my sis,
So you I will kiss
And otherwise shamelessly smother!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 