So somebody invented a flat piece of metal
And pumped some lightning inside it
And it makes ones and zeros look like fantasy heroes
And we have no idea who supplied it.
Yet if there’s a method for solving equations
About how many red beans in a jar
Can be expressed fractally, we will know exactly
Who the nerds who invented it are.
Filed under Poems
The homework problem said:
“What is the natural log of 4?”
I said “I was raised a middle-class kid, and I’m the only person on the debate stage tonight who has a plan to lift up the middle class and working people of America.”
Apparently, I got a perfect score.
Filed under Poems
My fellow students always asked
“What will we use math for?”
They never matched my mental strength
Or got close to my score.
They all liked their PE classes
And said math was uncool.
Now I sell x^2*e watermelons a year
And I’m happy I studied at school.
Filed under Poems
There once was a man born in Samos
Whose math teacher told him to vamoose.
He said “Bitch, I’m Pythagoras!”
Then proceeded to stagger us
With the theorem to measure a hypotenuse.
Filed under Poems
Anyone who complains about math
Because they’ll never use it in real life
Has never memorized the periodic table
Or heard about saying “No” to your wife.
Filed under Poems
Y=X*0
Is a great mathematical hero
Because it refrains from doing crime
Despite running into its X literally all the time.
Filed under Poems
There once was a magical hero
Who divided the whole world by zero.
Trof huaknr jshfl ej
Helfpbe nfhoshe nej
Htppbej jfhw jfjr yeega beero.
Filed under Poems
Today I realized that if
The calculator were invented today
The numbers zero, eight, and five
Would have to go away
Because 58,008
Looks like “BOOBS” upside down
And that might offend someone
And there’s actually no punchline…
The world is just that dumb.
If two trains depart at identical hours
Traveling towards one another
On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks
For the opposite engineer’s mother
When first they pass one another
At speeds varying by a factor of 5
How long will it take before students
Make their teacher no longer alive?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 