When I went to France
I got a pet 4.
I 5 to my knees
And I gave it a pat.
I wanted to pet it
But was told to 6.
If you don’t know French numbers
You’ve had e9 of 10.
Tag Archives: poems
When Poets Break Up
A poem might be a sonnet,
A haiku, or an acrostic.
You said God made you pretty
And now I’m an agnostic.
Filed under Poems
Why Jocks Get Seize
The public schools of Pittsburgh
Are bad beyond my wildest beliefs;
They teach kids words like “Steelers”
When the proper terms is “Thiefs.”
Filed under Poems
$ = q * ($/q)
I went to the science store
To buy subatomic particles.
It’s something I discovered
Reading “Modern Physics” articles.
They sold protons and electrons in
Small, medium, and large
But they just gave away the neutrons
Completely free of charge.
Bonus humor if you can prove how the title is fallacious.
Filed under Poems
Songs of the American South
Black Lyrics
Sometimes I ponder
That yonder fonder rapper,
That slapper of the fapper
Who use the public crapper
Just writes, night after nights,
Under fluorescent lights
Whatever rhymes, even if that means
He writes more wrongs than rights
‘Cause the whites, they delight
In da light skin they got,
They ain’t thought how we fought
‘Cause our families were caught
And sold in days of old for a handful of gold.
Dig it?
——————————————————–
White Lyrics
Hey baby, I’m thinkin’
That since we’ve been drinkin’
And we got us a truck
Let’s roll up a joint
And drive to make-out point
And shoot us a deer or a duck!
The Four Elements: A Modern Myth
In the domain of clouds and bursting sun
Lived Lychlorida, daughter of the sky.
In thermals and in tailwinds she’d run,
A sister to all birds and things that fly.
In green and blue and black oceans and seas
Lychlorida sent rain to her brother,
King of water, born of a river breeze,
The second child of their divine mother.
Beneath ocean and sky, sister enflamed,
Deity of fire where the earth’s plates grind,
Asked why only Lychlorida was named
(Although she found she really didn’t mind).
And last, on Earth, the fourth child, king of stone
Knew none of this; He just played on his phone.
Filed under Poems
If They Only Had A Brain…
Some zombies caught diseases
That made them long for brains.
Some are raised by the magic
That a necromancer trains.
Some become a zombie for
No reason we can see
But most zombies decided
To major in sociology.
Filed under Poems
One Thing Most Of You Will Never Have To Worry About
If you’re ever taking a walk
And you’re an amateur mime named Jean-Jacques
You’d be an unlucky bloke
If you had a stroke
But oh, how the viewers would talk!
Filed under Poems
Yet More Biblical Scholarship
When Jesus was a baby,
Two or three years maybe,
He probably had a phase of asking “why?”
“Why was I born a Jew?”
“Why’re the sky and water blue?”
“Why don’t wise men ever bring me pie?”
And I’m inspired by Mary,
As her baby she did carry
For It must take considerable skill
To look at Baby God
With a motherly sort of nod
And answer him “Because it is your will.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 