I think for one day a year
All taxes should be ignored
And you’ll see how gas is a dollar less
And your check is twenty percent more
And as you drive your car on roads
With a single pothole, wonder
Why do we support “our side” so much
When both sides keep sucking us under?
Filed under Poems
Y=X*0
Is a great mathematical hero
Because it refrains from doing crime
Despite running into its X literally all the time.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes I look back and wonder
“Why didn’t I spend more time studying
“How to write mission statements?”
Then I assemble a committee to discuss
Whether retrospection is amenable
To well-ordered, politically-correct society:
Results pending.
Filed under Poems
If you think your job is bad
I think I’ve got you bested:
Today I read on a rectal thermometer
“Each unit individually tested.”
Filed under Poems
Apparently, the color “peacoat”
Is sort of grayish-blackular
I would have thought it greenish
Given “pea” is in its vernacular,
Or perhaps a pale yellow
Would fit Peacoat’s pigmentation?
Alas, the color picker people
Lack an eight-year-old’s imagination!
Filed under Poems
If I had a roll of nickels
For every driver’s-ed I didn’t learn
I could make bus drivers angry
‘Til the dinosaurs return…
Filed under Poems
Mauve is a version of pink
That prettier than you might think.
It sounds like beigey-blue
But that’s just not true.
It was named for the mallow flower
And possesses an old-fashioned power
To make people yawn and complain.
It’s like a happy cocktail stain.
Filed under Poems
There once was a millennial parent
Who thought it completely apparent
That people online
Wanted to see their kids doing fine
But it turns out those people did caren’t.
Filed under Poems
You know how when you want to watch
A YouTube video
And just when it gets to the good part
The talent starts to show
An ad for “Raid: Shadow Legends”
Or some other mobile game
And you just skip ahead because
You think the ad is lame?
Well, that’s basically the state
Of politics today:
Companies sponsor actors
And we look the other way.
So if you want to change the world
Don’t buy Pfizer or Walmart.
Instead, please spend your hard-earned cash
On poetry to start!
Filed under Poems
Sometimes life is sunny
And everything goes right;
Sometimes you’re the VP of Marketing
And decide to revamp Bud Light.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 