A missionary and his doggy
Went to town via 69th street.
This poem would be longer
But I don’t know grownup sheet.
Tag Archives: Poetry
The Lightbulb Gets An Idea
How many does it take to change me
The humans like to ask
To amuse themselves at my expense
While in my light they bask.
They love me not for what I am
But only what I do
And so I ask: Need I be changed
Or should the change be you?
Filed under Poems
Seahawks Fans Right Now
There once was a team called the Bears
Who thrust my clan into despairs.
They sucked at a sport,
But so do my cohort
So at the end of the day, who cares?
Filed under Poems
Ski Weekends
We’ve got our boots and fresh white snow.
We’re in the car and off we go!
We’re gonna ski until the sun
Is dark, we’re cold, and then we’re done.
We’re going to slide across the ice
First left, then right, a swish, a slice,
Until we say “I’ve got this, ace!”
That’s when we’ll fall right on our face.
We’re wet and weak, our feet are sore.
We cannot ski a minute more.
We’re in the car, a happy mess
And that’s how we define success.
Filed under Poems
“Daily” Travesty… That Was A Joke
I am in a cabin
Eating French fries with my wife.
Poetry is great and all
But then again so is my life.
Filed under Poems
White People Be Rappin’ Like
If I had a hippo
You wouldn’t gimme no lip, yo.
But I’ve got an elephant
And you’re just like “omg, can’t.”
So I just bought a rat,
So have fun with that
As I pull out my gator
And say “see ya later.”
Filed under Poems
If I Transcribed My Entire Thought Process While Writing Jokes Instead Of Just The Finished Product
There once was a suburban dad
Who was a most serious lad.
He never told jokes
To his kids or his folks
And because of that they all were sad.
Now that you feel sufficiently guilty…
What did the dog say to the octopus?
I like bones.
Get it? ‘Cause he’s a dog?
Laugh, or I’ll read you the limerick again…
Filed under Poems
Marketing, Travesty Style
I’m writing another book
For Valentine’s Day this year
But I also hate advertising
So yeah… I was never here.
Filed under Poems
High Resolutions
New year, new you?
You do that too?
So that makes two
Of us. Who knew!
New year, new me
Is how I see
My future will be
Until January 3.
Then new year’s old
Or so I’m told
So I’ll put on hold
My plans so bold.
Filed under Poems
Is This My Moana Lisa?
In halcyon hours, my maiden and me
Become one with each other until
Through effort and grace we lie face to face
As nature concludeth its will.
Then I am afflicted with such a condition
Where my brain is in tune with my bowels
And for hours after I know only laughter
And I can speak only in vowels.
Or to put it another way…
Iayohouyaieae
Eoeoeieaoeui
Oueoaaeeieaeoae
Aaueoueii.
EIaaieiuaoiio
Weeyaiiiueiyowe
AohouaeIooyaue
AIaeaoyiowe.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 