Last year we learned about a cold
That you can’t tell if you’ve got
So the only logical thing to do
Is mandate a mystery shot
That does not stop the spreading
Or the catching of diseases
Because, after all, our liberty
Is whatever our overlord pleases.
Just because it caused a clot
That killed my uncle Stu
Doesn’t mean it isn’t something
Everyone must do!
So why not be a good little sheep
And get your Covid shot?
And if you do in the next 12 hours
We’ll give you some free pot!
Filed under Poems
Today I drove home on a road full of cracks
Past a tent city filled with the needy
To hear how the state gave 85 billion
To terrorists, but somehow I’m greedy?
Filed under Poems
Deep in the woods by a little green lake
Lived a man who had never been sad.
His life was just joy from the start to today,
Never once punctuated by bad.
He called the birds and the frogs company
And sang to the wood he would stack…
But all of that changed when he saw CNN
And learned what it meant to be black:
He learned that despite being happy and free
His life was defined by oppression
And how being equal to everyone else
Was the only worthwhile obsession.
He was overwhelmed, shocked even, until
He heard an inspiring call:
He realized he hadn’t voted for Biden
And thus wasn’t black after all!
Filed under Poems
Today we set off tiny bombs
And cook our meat outside
To celebrate the freedom
That we’re missing nationwide.
We sing about a starry flag
And amber waves of grain
While people we dislike like tell us
To proudly wear a chain.
The news stops all-day coverage
Of outrage today to share:
“Our founding fathers owned some slaves
And why we ought to care.“
We are still the people
Who are governed with consent;
It is what the founding fathers wrote
And it is what they meant.
So as I celebrate the flag
And eat my apple pie
I’m thankful I still own myself;
I will live free or die.
Filed under Poems
When I said “I like my coffee
“Like my women: Sweet and black.”
My coworker decided
That was a personal attack.
She called the supervisor
Just to say she was offended
And just like that I found I was,
Like Epstein’s neck, suspended.
But now my luck has turned around
And I see that I’m blessed.
I can’t be an oppressor
If I am, in fact, oppressed.
Filed under Poems
Once upon a time
A guy decided, “Hey
“What if I called people who
“I don’t agree with ‘Gay?'”
Everybody went along
Until a recent date
When some guy said, “What if instead
“We called bad people ‘Straight?'”
Then a third guy spoke his mind:
“Why not just disagree
“While still speaking with respect
“For our adversary?”
Guy one looked at guy two
And guy two said “Lol… gay!”
Then they lynched the third guy
And all conflict went away.
Filed under Poems
If we elected a white guy
And he gave cash to everyone white
Most people would agree
That doesn’t seem morally right.
If we elected a black guy
To give cash to everyone black
Society would probably feel
Like their freedom was under attack.
If we elected a woman
Who gave money to everyone female
You can bet she’d receive
Her fair share of nasty email.
And yet we elected some rich guy
Who says “Rich folks aren’t taxed enough yet”
And then all the rich guys get richer
And nobody’s even upset?
Filed under Poems
It’s been 6 months since Trump got out
And despite the recent talks
Of hyperinflation, unemployment,
A border crisis, plunging stocks,
A gas pipeline disaster,
Covid deaths yet unabated,
And all the buildings burnt to ash
By those who “demonstrated”
We can all be thankful
That our country’s back on track.
In other news: Pot charged with hate speech
For calling Kettle black.
Filed under Poems
There was a, um, a a a flower?
And it has, you know, plants,
And some are yellow and some are blue
But that doesn’t change that they’re green
On their, um, stalks or stems or something.
And when I smell them
Wait, they said don’t say smelling…
Flowers are green and and and thank you good morning!
Filed under Poems
Anti-racism
Is when white people
Protest against white people
For being white.
Filed under Poems
