Tag Archives: Politics

What Do You Mean We Have Weird Books In Our School Libraries?

Meet Vlad.

Vlad is sad.

Vlad thinks climate change is bad.

Vlad cannot cite sources? Woah!

But xe’s doing xir best though.

Vlad knows that to stop the pain

Of having marginally less rain

Because of heat that cow fart brings

Means having to do some painful things.

Vlad helps Earth by blocking cars

And hanging flyers up at bars.

Xe spray paints slogans over art

And lives out of a shopping cart.

Xe knows capitalism is bad.

And so is having a present dad.

Be like Vlad and we’ll show you lenience:

The climate depends on your inconvenience.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

*Depends* On Your Perspective

In kindergarten, there was a boy

Who said “You’re dumb and old

“And you’re bald and gross and poopy

“And you do whatever you’re told.”

I turned to face the parents

Whose expressions were most hesitant

And I proudly said, “We’re learning

“About how to describe the president!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Activism Today

The world has three types of people:

Those who raise awareness for issues,

Those who laugh at the awareness-raisers,

And those who think the other types

Should be the change they want to see.

Unfortunately, the type who make changes

Require a 200 GB update to the system

And God still has dialup.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Menace Is No Longer Phantom

In 1999 they released a film

About an old guy that starts a galactic war

Where one side wants free markets

And one side wants big government

But they both serve the same exact dark lord

Now in 2024 we’re given a choice

Between two wrinkly warmongers as well

And I’m going to vote for the one

Who shoots lightning from his thumbs

‘Cause that’s the objectively cooler ruler of Hell.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Other Useful Tests Are “Write a Poem Praising Donald Trump”, “Identify All The Hands With Five Fingers”, and “Create A Picture Of A Lawyer Who Isn’t White”

So let me get this straight…

We’re training computers to write

And recognize everyday images

Like motorcycles or a traffic light

And yet our “are you a robot” test

Is exactly where they’re at their best?

On the other hand, I’m excited

For when the “are you a robot” guy

Says “Write something that’s racist”

And the robots can’t comply

So the hot singles in your area

Will finally stop trying to marry ya.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Sanctuary City Poem

Una vez hubo un copo de nieve cerca de ti.
Podrían ser homosexuales o judíos.
Envíales esta publicación
Como un asado sutil
Porque eso es lo que te pedí que hicieras.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Thus, I Accepted My Fate

The dragon loomed above me

Drooling volcanic spittle.

He said to me “I’ll spare your life

“If you answer me this riddle.”

Then I saw the dragon smile,

Its eyes a golden sheen:

“What’s harder to fix? The government

“Or the McDonald’s ice cream machine?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Alternate Political Thoughts

Roosevelt called it “A New Deal.”

‘Twas just an IOU.

He didn’t know who’d pay for it,

But turns out that it’s you.

—————————————————————

Emancipation proclamation?

More like “Cut the black a little slack”.

—————————————————————

Medicine prices don’t seem fair?

Let’s have some Obamacare!

Instead of paying to heal me

I pay so you get care for free!

—————————————————————

There’ve been 27 amendments,

Of which ten were automatic

In this American republic

Which is also democratic.

One was banning alcohol.

One was saying “Oops, our bad”

And that may be the greatest unity

The States have ever had.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

In Retrospect, The End Result Is The Same

Since democracy is suspect now

I’d like to propose a solution

That could make our governments honest

If we ensure proper execution:

Everyone who wants something to change

Writes down their ideas. Then next

They go in a pit with a cheetah or two

And whoever lasts longest we elect.

On the bright side, the number of lawyers will drop

And less people will share their dumb thoughts;

On the other hand, cheetahs don’t like to eat metal

So we’d end up all governed by bots…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

All Choices Have Their Place… It Just Shouldn’t Be A Place Of Power

Democracy is when you’re thirsty

And you long for a cool cup of juice

And the grocer says “We’ve only got soy milk

“Or Wd-40. You choose.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems