I’ve invented a new cocktail
That’s a lot like a White Russian
But without the vodka, liqueur, cream, or ice.
It’s called a “Political Discussion”.
Tag Archives: Politics
A Political Prodigy
I think my daughter will be president
Because she’s only three years old
And already knows how to tell everyone
To shut up and do as they’re told.
Filed under Poems
My Foreign Policy Platform
I think instead of buying tanks
We should hire children
To run around with pool noodles
And speak in Italian to people
Who are unhappy
Because America deserves happiness
And we have to spend $33 trillion on something.
Filed under Poems
Unbearable
If you say “I pike pandas” everyone smiles
If you say “I don’t like koalas” that’s fine
Say what you want about grizzlies and polars
But you mention the blacks and they lose their minds…
Filed under Poems
Now They’ve Even Surrendered To Themselves…
There once was a city in France
That was known for its light and romance.
Then the mideast said “Holla”
And immigrated with Allah
And we know now who’s wearing the pants.
Filed under Poems
My First Sponsor!
Dear readers, it gives me great Pride(tm) that my blog, a long-time proponent of mediocrity in all forms, has chosen to partner with America’s favorite soft drink:
PIDD!
PIDD! (or Performance Inhibiting Drug Drink) has been taking the world by storm (consensually, of course). Inspired by brands like Disney, Bud Light, and OceanGate, PIDD! is sinking its teeth into all the things that once made you happy like:
The NBA (Nubile Boys of America)
MMA (Male Maidens Association)
UPS (Un-Penissing Service)
UN (United Nations)
And many more!
PIDD! is the only soft drink that makes you softer in both body and mind. It helped Lia Thomas become the first man to win the NCAA women’s 500m freestyle, helped Caitlyn Jenner become Glamour Magazine’s first male Woman of the Year, and now it can help your children become anything we want them to be!
So just like Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and the other heroes of your childhood, crack open a can of PIDD! (or pour a lukewarm glass of inner-city tap water) and let’s toast a future where men don’t have to stay that way.
Leftist Dilemmas
Sometimes I think the world would be better
If everyone wrote a well-worded letter
Politely requesting that all war be ended
But if we did that someone might be offended
Filed under Poems
Campaign Ads, 2028
My fellow Americans
I stand before you today
To declare my intention to run
For president of the USA.
If I am elected
I promise to unite
A country that’s divided
Between the left and right.
Speaking of right, my campaign is sponsored
By Google Energy Drink.
It’s made with all of your favorite flavors
Because data showed us how you think.
Consume three cans of GED a day
Or we’ll share your browser history.
But back to how I’ll save our nation…
Find out tonight at 10:00 on History!
Filed under Poems
DC Smoothies: Now Made With 100% Sustainably Harvested Peasant Tears
It is a truth we find self-evident
That the people who make the laws
Are the type to drink turtle smoothies
With biodegradable straws.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 