The nurse told me I’m dyslexic.
I told them “could be worse.”
They said “and you’re a phenylketaunuric.”
Well, I was wrong. That’s fro urse.
Tag Archives: Postaday
The Catch-22 Of Intimdating People Into Giving You Power, Times-New-Roman Edition
Absolute power is all I really want.
Control over the masses is all I need to flaunt.
Megomaniacal glorification is what gives my gait it’s jaunt,
So give me what I seek and I’ll stop using this bold font.
Filed under Poems
The 1,400th Travesty
Many, many years ago…
Five, to be exact,
The world became quite marginally
More worser. That’s a fact!
‘Cause many, many five years prior
To the day you read this crap
Was the day I quit my arson hobby
And downloaded the WordPress app.
Many days of wonder,
Days of beauty, truth, and vision
Never came to pass
Thanks to my poem-a-day decision,
So celebrate what could have been
Where it not for me,
And happy 1,400th post
Dear Daily Travesty!
Filed under Poems
Why Poems Make Bad Horror Movie Adaptations
Imagine a street,
Dark and quiet.
Something moves
But you can’t quite spy it…
Dissonant soundtrack
Fades to naught
And from the dark…
GIANT SATANIC CLOWN ROBOT!!!
Yeah… jump scare loses something…
Filed under Poems
The Rhyme’s The Thing
You may assume that you are right
If this verbage seems erudite,
But past the splendorous facade
The verisimilitude is not so odd.
Betwixt this linguist’s obfuscation
Surmise his true preoccupation;
To force the same phonemic core
Between line past and line before.
Unforgettable Love
Tick tock!
I see her walk
Down main street USA.
The passing time…
Her smile’s bright shine…
I hardly notice the gloomy day.
Tick tock!
I see her stop
And watch her turn my way.
Time feels so slow.
I’ve no place to go.
So glad I’ve got all day!
Hours, minutes,
Days and weeks;
The world is timeless
When she speaks.
Her endless sunset
Lights my life.
What on Earth
Will I tell my wife?
Tick tock!
I see her socks.
They look a lot like mine.
Her lovely face…
Her classic grace…
The way she says “I’m fine…”
Tick tock!
Again she talks.
She calls my secret name.
It dawns on me
And soon I see…
Oh my God, how lame!
Hours, minutes,
Days and weeks;
The world is timeless
When she speaks.
Her endless sunset
Lights my life.
Just realized…
She is my wife!
To Those Of The Feminist Persuasion, We Salute You Whether Or Not You Think It’s Necessary (Or Even Admirable For That Matter) Because We Have Fragile Egos Or A Sense Of Courtesy Or Perpetual Boners Or Something
Chivalry is the idea
That men are born to places
Where they should sacrifice their pleasure
For the sake of pretty faces.
Feminism is the idea
That men are born as assholes
And should sacrifice their pleasure
‘Cause women deserve castles.
The masculine perspective
Is one of courtesy, not necessity.
The feminine perspective
Is “don’t be nice, yet show respect for me.”
So after certain days of chivalry,
Whether or not there was a need for it,
I question the fundamental premise
That a woman cannot indeed be hit.
Now I’m not a violent person;
I’d never hit someone, regardless of adjective,
But a fruit rollup to the face or something
Could do wonders to change a perspective?
So to sum up, chivalry’s alive
Just like the naked mole rat,
Yet some people will prefer “equality”
Just like, for a pet, they’d like a housecat.
Filed under Poems
Based On A True Story… Unfortunately
I look at you, you look at me.
You cannot look away.
You wonder if the state I’m in
Is really quite ok.
You probably think I’m crazy.
Maybe you think I’m brave?
Whatever you think I won’t say no
So join me like you clearly crave.
I’m flattered kindly stranger
But join you I cannot
For the state you’re in repels me
And I am very both’red and hot.
I’m sorry I’m repellant
But search your feelings. You know it’s true…
If I can play the piano naked on the sidewalk
Then doubtless, so can you!
Filed under Poems
*Snaps Fingers* Quit Ignoring Me!
Some days you’re “E” as in Excellent,
Some days you’re “A” as in Awesome,
Some days we’re together, just “U” and “I,”
But this morning I’m “O” for Opossum.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 