There aren’t enough poems
About the great Manta Ray,
A fact which remains true
After my poem today.
Tag Archives: Postaday
The Diving Contest
Ten-dollar swimsuit,
Twelve silver rungs,
Six feet of diving board,
Twelve-foot deep water,
Four-hundred cheering fans,
Two feet too far left,
Five nights at the hospital,
Countless memories.
Filed under Poems
Spy Problems
I’ve got a machine gun
With infinite bullets.
I can outrun
An explosion with ease.
I can seduce any
Man, woman, or dolphin,
But whenever I’m hiding
I always must sneeze…
I wear only the finest
Imported silk clothing.
I drink only the choicest
Fermented delights.
I’m the greatest agent
There ever has been,
Yet somehow I always
Get stuck working nights…
Filed under Poems
Matchmaker
You’d think that I
The matchmaker
Would find a lovely wife.
Alas, somehow
I’m lonely still,
But making fires is no strife.
Filed under Poems
Red Badge Of Courage
A handsome soldier,
His mighty steed,
Heroic in both
Word and deed
Ride into glorious
Victory.
A medal awarded
There was to be.
Amongst his peers’
Great aplomb
The soldier came to
Have the medal pinned on.
Alas the officer
In command
Did not possess
A steady hand.
And so the pin
Met the soldier’s lapel
But, alas, pierced soldier’s
Flesh as well.
So for the bloodshed
In which he took part
The soldier was also given
The Purple Heart.
The soldier survived
This test of mettle,
Awarded a medal
For earning a medal.
Filed under Poems
Game Night In Canada
If you’re tired of playing cards
And you’ve trashed your chess set
Try something new for game night:
Canadian roulette.
To play, you take a loaded gun,
Then unload it, lock it up
And give to the police
Because they know what’s up.
Then you go play hockey
On a snowy northern pool.
That’s how a boring game night
Becomes Canadian Cool ™.
Filed under Poems
My Protest Poem
I was going to write a poem today
That would blow your socks away,
But it might please lawmakers in North Carolina
And so I didn’t.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 