I took a walk this morning.
It’s just something that I like.
Then I peed in the bushes
And the walk became a hike.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Hiking
Filed under Poems
My Mind: Behind the Scenes
I have to go to the bathroom,
But I don’t want to leave my bed,
And so I will do neither
And write this poem instead.
Filed under Poems
The Goat
It started three months prior
To the day you read this verse.
I was a happy man, but lonely;
Yes, aloneness was my curse.
I was proud of my yard, my grassy lawn
Complete with concrete gnome,
So fastidious and orderly
Just like my humble home.
But such a life wears on the soul,
So I went shopping for a pet.
A creature wise and comforting:
On this my mind was set.
But dogs are mean or stupid
And fish are such a bore.
Cats are huffy, rodents gross,
And birds are but a chore.
And so I found an animal
As a perfect pet for me;
It was fluffy, loving, and unique,
But it was not to be…
If, with goats, you’re unfamiliar,
As I was, that fateful day,
Then know this: They are a stomach
Sent from Hell, on Earth to stay.
Within the first eight hours
My perfect yard was gone.
My gnome was now in hiding
And a wasteland was my lawn.
But that dammed bearded invader
Was not satisfied at that,
And I need no longer pet sit
For my neighbor’s tabby cat.
My car has no more tires.
My cereal has no bowl.
The goat ate my begonias,
And then it ate my soul.
My pet, it needed punishment,
But I did not know the way.
Luckily I got some “guidance”
From Leonardo’s Greek café.
‘Twas three months ago it started,
That a companion I did seek.
Today I seek another.
Maybe something with a beak?
Filed under Poems
Stealing Second (and Third, and…)
The dream team took the field
Before the final playoff match,
And so the game was cancelled
Without a single catch.
Thus ended what had promised
To be a splendid day,
For if the field has been taken
Where is one supposed to play?
Filed under Poems
Four hours later…
Grunt and growl,
Hoot and howl:
These sounds are inspired
By the immovable bowel.
Filed under Poems
The Quitter
I got back on the horse
Twelve times this day alone.
That seems to me a lot,
Since only once have I been thrown.
Filed under Poems
Ode To An Inserted Thing^
To me you’re like an insert thing here^
Full of double meanings
Absent of rhyme or reason
Or punctuation
You make my anatomy act
In a way appropriate for anatomy
In a situation of extreme emotion
Such as sweating
Swelling^
Or accelerated heartbeat
You make me want to write iridescent
Not because you are
But because it sounds pretty
And you like pretty things
Like diamonds
And Benjamin Franklin
This poem is not a pretty thing
I am writing it in bed
By myself
Shortly after waking up
At 4:30 PM*
I am alone
I have B.O.**
I have cable***
And five hours before bedtime****
Although it’s not a meaningful term
Because I might not leave my bed
Rehashing of the similarity
Between you and the object
Which was inserted in the first stanza^
Because after all
This poem is about you****
Happy Valentine’s Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Untrue, but it makes me seem pitiful
** Probably true. Can’t tell due to nasal fatigue.
*** Also Untrue
**** See ***
^That sounded naughty…
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Morning Support
I said my name and my address
My SSN, my cause of distress,
And received the counseling
Of choppy jazz and a telephone ring.
A computer graciously took my call
And presented me with options, all
Irrelevant to my concern.
IT just wants the world to burn.
A half-hour later, I just lied
To get a human on the inside
To transfer me where relevant.
Off to China I was sent
Where a friendly native, “Joe,”
Quickly showed me where to go.
I sent an email, and right away
Was told to call, and to have a nice day.
I made up an answer and called it good.
What I go through for firewood…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 