Still no one has tried
Giving coffee to the sloths.
Science, what the #%**?
Tag Archives: Science
The Science Of Attraction
If you say something sweet to a glacier
And it melts their icy heart
They quietly whisper, “thawwwwwww”
And that’s how global warming starts.
Filed under Poems
Know Your Niche
I read a study recently
Where folks read poetry
Written both by poets
And impostor GPTs.
The funny part is readers
Rated all the AI stuff
Better in every category
Than the real poets’ fluff.
The only metric humans
Could equal AI at
Was the “originality” category.
Can you imagine that?
So, yes, robots are winning
But I’ll peacefully nap
Knowing I still have a stranglehold
On writing strictly crap.
For those interested: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-76900-1
Filed under Poems
Schrödinger’s Pillow Fort
So hypothetically, if I went in a box
And scientists didn’t know
That I’d gone in a box at all
It would be as though
I was simultaneously dead and alive
And in a quantum flux
And on behalf of others in my box fort
I think that kinda sucks.
Filed under Poems
Better Safe Than Sorry
I’m living life in such a way
That if anybody would
Try to steal my brain for science
Science would say, “No thanks, I’m good.”
Filed under Poems
Bill Jigger Gets Rejected From MIT
Bill Nye became a science guy
Because he rhymed his name
But my parents still won’t tell me why
I cannot do the same…
Filed under Poems
Don’t Question The Logic… Just Enjoy The Conclusion
I think that absolute proof
That a time machine exists
Is the fact that someone went back in time
And found a T-Rex
And said “Aww yeah… T-Rex….”
And then got eaten
And nobody has time traveled since.
Filed under Poems
Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)
Mercury is number one,
Venus is where women are from,
Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,
Jupiter is the color of plum,
Saturn has a bunch of rings,
Uranus is full of gas and things,
Neptune’s famed for icy springs,
And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.
But you probably noticed the dearth
Of a line about the Earth
Because it is devoid of mirth
And is the only planet with Colin Firth.
Filed under Poems
Research Projects
Forsythia is a flower
Of the family oleaceae.
They’re pretty and they’re yellow
And they make me saeae
“Ooh, look at that forsythia!
“They’re of the order lamiales!”
Then I ask my mother
If she’ll cook me tamales.
Filed under Poems
Even The Tyrants Realize This Is Dumb
This Saturday the mask mandate
Expires in my state,
So people must be healthy
Like the records indicate…
And yet today was Wednesday
And I will surely die, since
I took my mask off early
And I happen to trust science.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 