Once upon a time
A guy tried something new
For no reason besides
To see what stuff would do.
Afterwards he used
What he found as an appliance
And thus was born the toaster
And, with it, modern science.
Tag Archives: Science
$ = q * ($/q)
I went to the science store
To buy subatomic particles.
It’s something I discovered
Reading “Modern Physics” articles.
They sold protons and electrons in
Small, medium, and large
But they just gave away the neutrons
Completely free of charge.
Bonus humor if you can prove how the title is fallacious.
Filed under Poems
True Biology Facts
Blue whales are the biggest beasts
That ever lived on earth
Who weigh more than Drew Carey
At the moment of their birth.
They start out life as sperm whales
Then they go to whale high school
Where they get teased until they’re sad
And thus end up blue. Cool!
Filed under Poems
Schroedinger Goes Golfing
He went out with a ball and club
To tee off on the green
And defined the ball’s trajectory
To a destination unseen.
To warn the other players
Who are simultaneously alive and dead
He shouted the number 24
To avoid whacking a head.
Why he did this most don’t know
But I can tell you why:
The golfer simply shouted 4!
You’re welcome nerds. Now bye!
Filed under Poems
Isn’t It Amazing How Every Perspective Has Evidence For And Against It?
No liars are more common than those
Who support their thoughts with “a study shows.”
You’ll likely find, with some frustration,
These studies lack any citation.
For every “yes” a study may show
A different study somehow finds “no.”
Those who cry about the news
Do their fair share of pick-and-choose.
Filed under Poems
Somehow Rising Oceans Didn’t Show Up Either… Huh
29.34 percent of deaths
Were caused by heart disease.
23.04 were infections and
Parasitic causes (like fleas).
Cancer’s 12.49, stroke’s 9.66.
The next 20or so’s respiratory.
Then we get into small CoD’s
And a more interesting story:
War caused just .3 percent
Of death in recent times,
About the same as syphilis
And less than a third that of violent crimes.
More people died of tetanus
Than a decade of endless war.
You’ll more likely die of suicide
Than fighting on a distant shore.
And too low to show up,
Beneath .06 percent
I’m wondering where all the deaths
From firearm ownership went.
Filed under Poems
Chemistry
Blood is thicker than water.
Water is thicker than air.
Air isn’t thicker than anything
Which doesn’t seem very fair.
So chemists invented some elements
That made air feel less thin,
Thus air is thicker than helium.
So did modern science begin.
Filed under Poems
On Dreams And Insights
As a kid
I never dreamed
I’d win a Nobel Prize.
Never did I
Imagine it.
Never did I surmise
That I would be
A hero for
Bringing new ideas to light.
I didn’t think
I’d make it
And so far I’ve been right.
Filed under Poems
Correlation
I think that caffeine
Is good for your spleen,
And I have evidence to back it up:
How often have you seen
Someone hurt a healthy spleen
While savoring something in a Starbucks cup?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 