Tag Archives: Science

Sometime In The 1800’s Maybe?

Once upon a time

A guy tried something new

For no reason besides

To see what stuff would do.

Afterwards he used

What he found as an appliance

And thus was born the toaster

And, with it, modern science.

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$ = q * ($/q)

I went to the science store

To buy subatomic particles.

It’s something I discovered

Reading “Modern Physics” articles.

They sold protons and electrons in

Small, medium, and large

But they just gave away the neutrons

Completely free of charge.

Bonus humor if you can prove how the title is fallacious.

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True Biology Facts

Blue whales are the biggest beasts

That ever lived on earth

Who weigh more than Drew Carey

At the moment of their birth.

They start out life as sperm whales

Then they go to whale high school

Where they get teased until they’re sad

And thus end up blue. Cool!

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Schroedinger Goes Golfing

He went out with a ball and club

To tee off on the green

And defined the ball’s trajectory

To a destination unseen.

To warn the other players

Who are simultaneously alive and dead

He shouted the number 24

To avoid whacking a head.

Why he did this most don’t know

But I can tell you why:

The golfer simply shouted 4!

You’re welcome nerds. Now bye!

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Isn’t It Amazing How Every Perspective Has Evidence For And Against It?

No liars are more common than those

Who support their thoughts with “a study shows.”

You’ll likely find, with some frustration,

These studies lack any citation.

For every “yes” a study may show

A different study somehow finds “no.”

Those who cry about the news

Do their fair share of pick-and-choose.

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Somehow Rising Oceans Didn’t Show Up Either… Huh

29.34 percent of deaths

Were caused by heart disease.

23.04 were infections and

Parasitic causes (like fleas).

Cancer’s 12.49, stroke’s 9.66.

The next 20or so’s respiratory.

Then we get into small CoD’s

And a more interesting story:

War caused just .3 percent

Of death in recent times,

About the same as syphilis

And less than a third that of violent crimes.

More people died of tetanus

Than a decade of endless war.

You’ll more likely die of suicide

Than fighting on a distant shore.

And too low to show up,

Beneath .06 percent

I’m wondering where all the deaths

From firearm ownership went.


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Blood is thicker than water.

Water is thicker than air.

Air isn’t thicker than anything

Which doesn’t seem very fair.

So chemists invented some elements

That made air feel less thin,

Thus air is thicker than helium.

So did modern science begin.

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On Dreams And Insights

As a kid

I never dreamed

I’d win a Nobel Prize.

Never did I

Imagine it.

Never did I surmise

That I would be

A hero for

Bringing new ideas to light.

I didn’t think

I’d make it

And so far I’ve been right.

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I think that caffeine

Is good for your spleen,

And I have evidence to back it up:

How often have you seen

Someone hurt a healthy spleen

While savoring something in a Starbucks cup?

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The Slump

A slump is a chump

Whose throat has a lump,

As does its cerebral cortex.

It will make you it’s chow.

I’m stuck in one now.

(Either that or a temporal vortex).

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