Tag Archives: Sex

Half Dozen Of The Other

So many people live like eggs

It’s almost not okay.

Their only goal is, like an egg,

To get laid every day.


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We Aim To Please

If you aim to please a woman:

If you aim to please a woman

In the daytime or the night

You must have the understanding

That you will do nothing right.

Women come in all varieties,

Not unlike an apple.

They’re made of the best stuff on Earth

Just like a can of Snapple.

But like a can of Snapple

With the label torn away,

You don’t know what you’ll be getting.

Don’t worry, that’s okay.

If you aim to please a man:

Take off your clothes.

Get out of those

Garments that were “Get in its.”

Then lay on back,

Hope that it’s black,

And enjoy the next three minutes.

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Buying Lays

Money’s not a good way

To get her in the sack,

But it’s pretty darn effective

If you want to buy a snack. 



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A Matter of Scale

I’m better at sex
Than I am at sports.
It’s really very clear
Since I’m lightyears away
From the MBA
But half a foot from a porn-star career.

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Simile’s Birthday

Her smile was wide as a toothpick
And her face glowed like a new moon
When she opened my birthday gift
And discovered I’d given her a spoon.

Her words were clean as a dumpster,
Thanking me like a wrecking ball.
For the next few weeks we had sex like mushrooms,
By which I mean no sex at all.

But I think she still loves me regardless
And I’m still in love with my wife.
But both of us are happy as clams that
I chose not to buy her a knife.

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Sex is a service.
It takes lots of work,
But it’s a pretty good job
With its fair share of perks.

Sometimes it’s hard,
(And we hope that it is).
It needs some of hers,
And it needs some of his.


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