Tag Archives: Sex

Close Encounters

I met her on the corner

Somewhere ’round midnight

She wore next to nothing

And held a red light.

She said “it’s $100 an hour”

Just so you know.

I gave her a dime

And said “guess I’ll go slow.”


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Sex In A Pool

My heart skips a beat

As our bodies intertwine,

Her hands on my shoulders,

Her lips locked in mine.

Somewhere a small voice

Says “you can’t do that here,”

But my eyes meet my love

And away goes my fear.

Our clothes are all gone

And we get on our way.

The little voice speaks

But I shove it away.

The air fills with moaning,

With screams of my name.

Our love is the water,

Our passion a flame!

After what seems a lifetime

Our forms pull away.

I hope the rec center

Will let us come back some day.

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Valor’s Better Half (Alternate Title: Close To Home)

Discretion is a virtue

For which some have a knack.

Alas, it seems my roommate

In this department oft does lack.

I too must use discretion

When I lay upon his pillow

Subtle ads for soundproofing

And houses for rent on Zillow.

His endurance is remarkable

As much as his discretion.

He can “dance” for 90 minutes

Split into 60 micro-sessions.

I thought about live-tweeting

My compatriot’s loving dance

But by the time I’d typed my password

I’d already lost my chance.

Now in addition to discretion

Temperance I must display

To avoid sending him this poem

About his “bet you can’t have just one” lays.

You might call that passive-aggressive

And Dear Reader you’d be right.

I’ll ponder such implications

As I’m live-tweeting tonight.

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That Time Of The Month

I saw her in a shady bar

And decided to go a step too far.

I invited her out into my car

Beneath the full white moon.

We did about what you’d expect.

It was so wrong yet so correct.

We surely were not circumspect

And afterwards slept ’til noon.

And when at twelve I done awoke

I very nearly had a stroke

For beside me was a bearded bloke

Where before there’d been a lady.

That moment’s when I’d realize

That full white moon caused the disguise.

I’d fallen prey to a Werewoman’s lies.

Now the bars I go to are less shady.

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Half Dozen Of The Other

So many people live like eggs

It’s almost not okay.

Their only goal is, like an egg,

To get laid every day.

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We Aim To Please

If you aim to please a woman:

If you aim to please a woman

In the daytime or the night

You must have the understanding

That you will do nothing right.

Women come in all varieties,

Not unlike an apple.

They’re made of the best stuff on Earth

Just like a can of Snapple.

But like a can of Snapple

With the label torn away,

You don’t know what you’ll be getting.

Don’t worry, that’s okay.

If you aim to please a man:

Take off your clothes.

Get out of those

Garments that were “Get in its.”

Then lay on back,

Hope that it’s black,

And enjoy the next three minutes.

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Buying Lays

Money’s not a good way

To get her in the sack,

But it’s pretty darn effective

If you want to buy a snack. 



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