If I had a potato chip
For every theory that made sense
I’d have a much larger stomach
And not a lot of evidence…
Tag Archives: Short
Lucky for Me… I’m a 3!
She was meretricious
And he was five-foot-two
And yet somehow between them
Amorous feelings grew.
He thought she was a goddess
And she thought he was funny.
So go the lives of 4’s and 5’s
When they have boobs or money.
Filed under Poems
But Hockey? There’s A Great Sport!
Soccer’s like “The Notebook:”
I’ve never watched for more than a minute,
I consider it nap-time
And don’t like anyone in it.
Soccer and I
Are also much alike
In that no one ever scores
And the entertainment it creates has unsatisfying conclusions.
Filed under Poems
Insurance Be Like…
I called Permanente Kaiser
‘Cause I had pain in my incisor.
What they said seemed rather ruthless:
“Pay up or you’ll soon be toothless.”
Hospital Memos
Vegetable soup will
No longer be served in the
Quadriplegic’s ward.
Filed under Poems
When You Stretch For The Pun And Hurt Yourself
I want what a former president may do
Were he a bird who saw a speck
‘Cause I don’t like the words “and a.”
I want a Bush’ll peck.
Filed under Poems
If People Are Pissed About Masks…
I really hope for chaos’ sake
That the cure for Covid be
The presence of police
Because, well, blessed irony!
Filed under Poems
Manly Sea Captain Poems
I was a pirate cap’n
A’sail upon the sea
And I’d laugh at the other ships
When they would try to flee.
I’d sail up behind ’em
And though they might protest
I’d grab ’em by the booty
At my cap’nly behest!
——————————————————–
When your captain is a man
“Land ho!” is often said.
When your captain isn’t
They shout “Land, hoe!” Instead.
——————————————————–
When I became a captain
I quit being a virgin
Thanks to an encounter
That I had with a sturgeon!
Filed under Poems
When You Disagree By Not Agreeing To Agree To Disagree
He asked ten people if among them
One would disagree.
Nine said yes, that’s how it works.
The tenth person was me.
Filed under Poems
My Solution To School Shootings (Until They Clone Chuck Norris)
They should clone Queen Elizabeth
14 billion times
So we can all have immortal bodyguards…
It’s true and it rhymes!
Filed under Poems
