Do animals who reproduce
Asexually
Get turned on by the absence
Of phallic imagery?
Tag Archives: Short
Every College Essay Ever
I wrote a poem so marvelous!
About it you would rave.
Alas, I didn’t charge my phone.
I also didn’t press “save.”
Seeing The Forest From The Treason
Trusting a serving platter
Is something not to do
Because a serving platter
Will always be-tray you.
Blind Dates
When she looks at me
Children scream and flowers die.
Probably no big deal…
Filed under Poems
Driving Home
Today I returned home from my vacation in Portland, OR. The following are a few poems I thought of over the six hour drive when I should have been avoiding pedestrians:
Feel free to tailgate my ass,
But the more you press, the less I gas.
The sooner I’m back
In Oregon
The sooner your drivers
I can deplore again.
Filed under Poems
Today I returned home from my vacation in Portland, OR. The following are a few poems I thought of over the six hour drive when I should have been avoiding pedestrians:
Feel free to tailgate my ass,
But the more you press, the less I gas.
The sooner I’m back
In Oregon
The sooner your drivers
I can deplore again.
Filed under Poems
One Letter Off
I said she smelled flagrant
And her mood got all wrecked.
It didn’t help when I said to her
“Autocorrect.”
Filed under Poems
Wrong Stool
I asked “How do I get taller?”
They said “stand on a stool.”
Now my shoes smell like crap
And I feel like a fool.
Lawn Decorations
If I could buy a flower
For everybody bland
I’d buy dandelions.
That’s what happened to your land.
Filed under Poems
Chocolate and Jewelry: Done
‘Twas two days before Christmas
And off at the mall
Were all of the husbands
Who dropped the gift ball.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 