If I had a nickel
For every commercial starring a white guy
I would have as much money
As the black people who aren’t in ads.
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Violets are black.
Roses are black.
Criminals are racially diverse
So cut me some slack.
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Sure, the future isn’t white
But don’t you worry! It’s alright!
Europe’s long past its golden days
And no one likes swimming anyways.
Filed under Poems
Do not stand between a man
Who’s running and a bathroom.
Do not wear a pair of pants
With insufficient calf room.
Those who want to sell you crap
Will first tell you “Hello.”
If you’re out of shampoo
Do not substitute Jello
Filed under Poems
The fact that thrice you mentioned
That you don’t care about corn Jimmy cracks
Makes me think that your indifference
Is facade instead of facts.
Filed under Poems
I looked at the thong and what it covered
(Or more of what it didn’t hide).
I saw that arcing crack and had to ask
The most pressing question: “Butt Y?”
Filed under Poems
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder:
This much I know is true.
Logically, it must therefore follow
That you’re beheld by very few.
Filed under Poems
Which Mexican guy is a sailor?:
Señor Gonzalez or Señor Cruz?
Well, Gonzalez does the actual sailing…
Cruz just crew the cruise.
Filed under Poems
Their once was an organized crime
Who fixed football games all the time.
Then a female singer
Put the crooks through the wringer
And black Tom Brady won with a dime.
If you say to me
“Epistemological”
I will think you’re smart.
————————————
If you say to me
“Cheese is made from poodle eggs”
I will think you’re smart.
————————————
If you say to me
Anything at all, that’s fine.
I’m not built to judge.
Filed under Poems
“I need to write a poem”
Isa thing I say many a night.
That’s usually followed by a poem like this.
Thus is the artist’s plight.
Filed under Poems
There was like a guy from like somewhere
Who like liked like things like like long hair.
He like like-liked this girl
Whose hair had like a curl
And he was like “I like like-like you. So there.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 