I always wonder about the scientist
Who named the sperm whale.
I imagine he was drunk
And probably male
And thought making you say “sperm”
Was a hoot and a gas
And he probably idolized the guy
Who named donkeys “ass”.
Tag Archives: Silly
Right?
I have a secret mission
That I need to undertake
But leaving online evidence
Is surely a mistake…
If only there were a button
That I could press to hide
My browser history… also
The hate I feel inside.
Oh wait? What is this button
With a sneaky little spy?
An incognito window?
Why, that’s just the thing that I
Did need for just this purpose!
I’m glad Google has my back.
Now pet me commence searching
For things they’d never, ever track…
Filed under Poems
Alohahaha
If I take off my Hawaiian shirt
You may think I intend to flirt
But when the Hawaiian pants come off…
Hey, wait a sec! Did you just scoff?
Filed under Poems
Life Hacks
If at first you don’t succeed
Just open Word and type in “Nead”.
Autocorrect will fix everything.
You’re welcome y’all. Yours truly, King
Filed under Poems
Nine Out Of Ten Dentists Agree This Love Will Never Work
Oh my lady, with a swirl
Of red and white you rock my world.
You touch my mouth and cause a sheen
Of pearly white. You make me clean.
Alas, our love is not to be
For you are you and I am me:
You are toothpaste, clean and clear
And I am just this orange juice here.
Filed under Poems
When Your Knowledge Of Obscure Colors Is Bigger Than Your… Other Assets
Her hair was coquelicot.
Her eyes were smaragdine.
Now my heart is glaucous
And not incarnadine
For a man of caput mortuum skin
Made her glow like elephant’s breath
And I smolder like exuberance
And wish for sudden death.
For those so inclined: https://www.color-meanings.com/worst-named-colors/
Filed under Poems
Duo, Pourquoi Es-Tu En Colère?
There once was a multilingual green owl
Whose temper had grown fully foul.
He said “Practice your French!”
As he pulled out a wrench
Then watched me spell “vingt” with a scowl.
Filed under Poems
Optimism, First Grade Prepper Edition
I know that world war 3 is coming
And it’ll be really bad
But when you remember what comes next
It takes away the sad
‘Cause world war 4 is going to be fought
With sticks and stones they say
Which means puppies will be soldiers
And puppies make us yay!
Filed under Poems
