I hope that before I die
I’ll fart one million times.
That or curing cancer…
Or maybe writing rhymes?
Tag Archives: Silly
Genre-Dependent
Music is the universal language.
It can communicate to anyone at all
Things like “I have bad taste in music”
And “Girl, hop in! We’re going to the mall!”
Filed under Poems
What Boomers And Gen Z Agree On
I paid a lot of money
To see Bingo balls go “whir”
At the place I lost my savings
And the waitress called me “sir”.
It’s worth it for the privilege
Of putting five things in a line
And laughing with the others when
They call “I 69”.
Filed under Poems
Proverbs For The Modern Age
Do not stand between a man
Who’s running and a bathroom.
Do not wear a pair of pants
With insufficient calf room.
Those who want to sell you crap
Will first tell you “Hello.”
If you’re out of shampoo
Do not substitute Jello
Filed under Poems
Aspirations
I’m a freakin’ space marine!
Half man, half god, half war machine!
I wipe out armies with my fists!
And turn alien brains into alien mists!
I’ve saved every planet from certain death!
When women see me they gasp for breath!
I’m a freakin’ space marine, you know!
What mom? Ooh, pizza? Gotta go!
Filed under Poems
The Master Will Go Now
The fact that thrice you mentioned
That you don’t care about corn Jimmy cracks
Makes me think that your indifference
Is facade instead of facts.
Filed under Poems
This Is My New Favorite Synonym For Buttcrack
I looked at the thong and what it covered
(Or more of what it didn’t hide).
I saw that arcing crack and had to ask
The most pressing question: “Butt Y?”
Filed under Poems
The White Guy Equivalent Is “Orr and Stafford”
Which Mexican guy is a sailor?:
Señor Gonzalez or Señor Cruz?
Well, Gonzalez does the actual sailing…
Cruz just crew the cruise.
Filed under Poems
hAIkus
If you say to me
“Epistemological”
I will think you’re smart.
————————————
If you say to me
“Cheese is made from poodle eggs”
I will think you’re smart.
————————————
If you say to me
Anything at all, that’s fine.
I’m not built to judge.
Filed under Poems
Woe Is Me (Millennial Edition)
“I need to write a poem”
Isa thing I say many a night.
That’s usually followed by a poem like this.
Thus is the artist’s plight.
Filed under Poems
