A missionary came to me
And my friend Javier
Asking “Do you accept Jesus
“As your Lord and Savior?”
Another missionary
Fulfilled his role
By asking “Do you want an extended warranty
“For your soul?”
Tag Archives: Silly
Share This Poem With That Special Person
A hero, a villain, and an idiot
Were writing a poem together.
The hero said “I think we should
“Write of love to my girlfriend, Heather.”
The villain said, “I think instead
“We write about someone who died.”
Then they turned to you and said together:
“Why don’t you decide?”
Filed under Poems
Pasta My Prime
Tonight my inspiration is limited.
The scope of it is teeny,
So suffice it to say
I found out today
A wimpy Italian is a lingweeny.
Filed under Poems
Transparency Matters
A ghost arrived in the afterlife
Having committed suicide.
The other ghosts surrounded him. “Oh dear!
“Why did you end your life like that?“
The new ghost said “Communication!
“The truth is I just wanted to be clear.”
Filed under Poems
Next You’ll Tell Me Hot Sauce Bottles Breathe Fire…
Sometimes I wish
That I were a fish,
But then I think
“What if I sink?”
Just then my daughter
Said “Fish can breathe water.”
I said “You wish!
“Fish can just holds fish.”
Filed under Poems
Awaken, My Love, To A Secret Gift
As every day the sun has risen
Since the day all men were born
To signal coming of a new day
By the sunlight through the corn,
By the very first song of the birds
Hidden in a distant tree
So do I hope my eyes will settle
On you lying next to me,
And as the sun casts shadows over
All that lives beneath the light
I hope my mind is full of mem’ries
Of what happened through the night.
As heaven transforms from black to gold
And clouds shift from orange to cream
And your eyes flicker and welcome me
I know I’ve achieved my dream.
As you see my smile widen more
Than it would by normal grace
You see into my mind and demand
“What did you draw on my face?”
Filed under Poems
When The Man Upstairs Is Protecting You Against The Dangers Of Premarital Sex
I like to imagine that somewhere in Heaven
God is fighting a war
To defend me from many females who’d do any
Thing to show me how they adore
All that I am. Yes, God is that great
That he beats women off with a stick
So I can be alone, never answer my phone…
Yes, faith in the Lord does the trick.
Filed under Poems
Thanks College!
Upon one hazy evening
Beneath the colored leaves
A poet kneels softly
And in the silence grieves.
Upon seeing this visage
A bright young student stands,
Walks towards the poet’s place
And with a screech demands
“Did you really write a poem
“That describes the leaves as ‘colored?’
“I find that language offensive
“And conclude you are a dullard!”
The poet still kneels softly
Beneath the not-green leaves,
And now you understand human stupidity
Which is why the poet grieves.
Filed under Poems
Hirsute, But Not Her Suitable
There once was a man from St. Mary
Who’d be merry to marry Merry Mary.
Merry Mary, however,
Did forthrightly endeavor
Never ever to wed one so hairy.
Filed under Poems
IT Internships <3
Every day I help people with technical trouble,
Decked out in my polo and three-day neck stubble.
I cycle the power to show them I care
And write “Problem exists between keyboard and chair.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 