Cookies for breakfast,
Pizza for lunch,
Twelve donuts for dinner,
But I did one crunch!
Tag Archives: Silly
Beauty Without Photoshop
Willow, willow, don’t you weep.
Just calm upon the Earth sit.
Your loveliness has but one name:
Arb’oreal: Because you’re worth it.
Filed under Poems
Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs
I shouldn’t be the president
Because when I want a snack
I go to a take out restaraunt
And microwave it when I get back.
At first that won’t seem dangerous
Until my words are these:
“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!
“Why not nuke some Chinese?”
Filed under Poems
Pyramids: Primeval Percussion Palaces
Before the phrase “More Cowbell”
Took the world by storm
Egyptians had a fever
And only could stay warm
By making a great replica
Of the instrument they’d dangle;
And they shouted in Egyptian
“I need some more triangle!”
Filed under Poems
It Rubs Me The Wrong Way, You Know?
Some people fear that God fellow.
Some people fear that Devil guy.
I fear the one who actually prefers
The toilet paper with just one ply.
Filed under Poems
Sir Alec Guinness, Ladies and Gents
There once was a guy named Obi
Whose surname was, weirdly, Kenobi.
Then this kid came along…
“Do you know Obi-Wan?”
And he was like “Of course I know me!”
—————————————————————
There once was a trooper, unnamed,
Who sought droids with data untamed,
But Obi’s like “Pu-lease!
“You ain’t looking for these.”
Only later trooper thought “I got gamed.”
—————————————————————
There one was a giant black guy
Who had a death star in the sky.
Obi met him one day
And was like “Ani! Hey!”
And then Obi-Wan’s like, “Guess I’ll die.”
Filed under Poems
Hence, The Dictionary
When you really think about it
All language came about
Because some caveman somewhere
Thought “Maybe I should shout
“A bunch of random nonsense,”
And someone from out of town
Thought “That would make a boring book;
“I’d better write it down!”
Filed under Poems
When You Pull On A Hangnail It Starts Bleeding
“Sometimes it feels
Like I am the undead,
A decaying body
Kept alive by a head
That is absent of thoughts,
Knowing nothing but pain
Until I can feast
On a life once again.
Some people despise me
For they think I’m a devil,
Depraved, dirty, lesser,
And not on their level.”
The doctor just smiled
And he asked me again:
“How much does it hurt,
From a 1 to a 10?”
Filed under Poems
Happy Birthday Mom!
A mother’s like a brother
If a brother were a mom.
There’s no other to smother;
You’re her one and only “da bomb.”
She’s comfy and inviting
And onto her you do glom.
My mother made me write this
And I wish her much aplomb!
Filed under Poems
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 