My mom was a pterodactyl
And my dad was an asparagus;
This is not true at all,
But maybe your life now seems less a mess?
My mom was a pterodactyl
And my dad was an asparagus;
This is not true at all,
But maybe your life now seems less a mess?
Filed under Poems
I found what I thought was a condor
That was terribly sick with the flu.
But my asian vet said, “That’s ill eagle”
And now I don’t know what to do…
Filed under Poems
Little ball of plastic
I hit into a hole:
It takes me many tries
To once achieve my goal.
I then repeat the process
Seventeen more times.
This sport is very stupid
But hey, the poem rhymes!
Filed under Poems
Soccer’s like “The Notebook:”
I’ve never watched for more than a minute,
I consider it nap-time
And don’t like anyone in it.
Soccer and I
Are also much alike
In that no one ever scores
And the entertainment it creates has unsatisfying conclusions.
Filed under Poems
Deep below, the hipster slugs
Are killing worms and taking drugs
And handing out free slimy hugs
And chanting “Slug Lives Matter.”
High above, against the odds,
Someone applauds the gastropods
And, thinking they are modern gods,
Eat escargot and grow fatter.
Filed under Poems
She showed a sign and shouted
And got up in our faces
Telling us about how white folks
Are the worst of all the races.
The way her spittle spattered
Was a most impressive sight,
My first and last impression
Of a peaceful Portland night.
Filed under Poems
They should clone Queen Elizabeth
14 billion times
So we can all have immortal bodyguards…
It’s true and it rhymes!
Filed under Poems
The Genie asked, “What’s your last wish?”
I said, “I wanna fly!”
It got eaten by a frog
And now I enunciate more clearly.
Filed under Poems
It is a fact from an incited source
That 30 percent of collisions
Are the result of someone driving drunk;
In other words, poor decisions.
That means that 70 percent
Of sober drivers crash.
Driving without drinking
Is, according to statistic, rash.
That fact, if analyzed in depth
Means that driving sober will
Increase your chances by 133%
That, by driving, you will kill.
Filed under Poems