Here’s to all the porcupines
Who smile from behind their spines.
How they reproduce may you-befuddle,
As might how, afterwards, they cuddle.
One thing that I know for certain
Is neither partner ends up hurtin’
Which is more than I can say
For every woman I’ve had. Yay!
Filed under Poems
Close my eyes and listen
To the gently falling rain,
Wishing all the while
That you, dear reader, will refrain
From noticing the fact
That I made a mistake,
For this poem is a command.
What a difference “I” can make…
Filed under Poems
I meant to write a verse that’s funny
Involving Jesus and a bunny.
Alas, the laughter all was cheap
And so I left without a peep.
Filed under Poems
If you’re rude to the people
Who print drivers’ licenses
They have a pretty cool trick:
They take a photo
Of your face
But actually it’s a dick pic.
Filed under Poems
Thousands of New Yorkers
Are dying every day,
Yet no one has the courage
To step on up and say
“Send every smart-mouthed teenager
“Some radioactive Purell.”
We could have superheroes by now
But the government says “Oh well…”
Filed under Poems
A man sold me some wood the other day.
He said “This is the best you’ll ever get.”
But when I set the wood on fire I saw
Cars painted on the sides, and knew ’twas shit.
Filed under Poems
Unlike aids, ebola, and most cancers of the spleen
People make a lot of jokes about Covid-19.
Maybe if we isolated people with a tumor
We’d find the situation full of all new types of humor?
Filed under Poems
I bought a fish named Clem on Tuesday
And by Wednesday he was dead.
I bought a fish named Joe on Thursday
But hid him under my bed.
Joe is living happily
Unlike poor, stubborn Clem
Who saw guys on TV and challenged himself
To hold his breath like them.
Filed under Poems
Yesterday I was responsible:
Got dressed, and went to work.
Just ’cause I mixed the order up
Doesn’t mean I’m a jerk…
Filed under Poems
She drove like she was asian.
She swam like she was black.
She jumped like a caucasian
With a dolphin on her back.
She wasn’t good at anything;
If she tried, she’d fail
But she was still ten-times better
Than every straight white male.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 