I can fart for fifteen seconds
With moist gurgles or without
And play almost two octaves
With my gaseous booty shout.
“That’s great,” said Mr. CEO
But they gave the job away
To somebody whose farts cannot
Be heard three miles away.
Tag Archives: Stupid
TSA*
My travel agent pats my back
And loads me in the trough
And says “You’re saving CO2”
And then I’m taking off.
*Short for “Trebuchet Substitute Anyone?”
Filed under Poems
Military/Zoological Complex (See Also… Polar Bears, Chihuahuas, Those #%^*ing Moths In The Bathroom At Night… I Can Go On)
The fact that we’ve been through how many wars
And nobody’s realized yet
That dropping skunks is way cheaper than dropping bombs
Shows just how dumb humans can get.
Filed under Poems
Bille Nye The Science Guy 3, Starring Chris Rock
We’ve finally reached the place
Where Hollywood’s gotten so mid
Black actors are turning down starring roles
And bringing milk home for their kid.
Filed under Poems
Forget Electric Cars… THIS Will Prevent Climate Change
Every GPS should say
“Make a U-turn here for course correction”
On bridges, highways, and the like
To speed up natural selection.
Filed under Poems
25% Success For 0% Study Time… A Good Tradeoff!
I was traveling on a train going 50 miles per hour
When another train passed by us going the other way
I wasn’t certain of its speed, origin, or destination
But I remembered what I learned in school and wisely noted, “A”
Filed under Poems
Modern Audiences
I consider myself pretty smart
And I have an insight into art:
More people would read
Poetry if indeed
More poets would use the word “fart”
Filed under Poems
Discipline Solution Or Future Skynet? You Decide
Some people are scared of robots
But I think we should put them in school
Because people would grow up with them
And think they’re really cool
And if a not-a-robot kid
Would give the teachers sass
It’d be just fine to get them in line
By kicking a robot’s ass.
Filed under Poems
“Award Winning” Vs. “Best Selling”
For those who want to differentiate
Between “Fiction” and “Literature”
Here’s a handy-dandy little guide:
It’s fiction if the story
Has a point and ends in glory.
Literature ends when boring people die.
Filed under Poems
Ode To Gen Alpha
There are many lovely people
In the world that I have seen,
Yet many would be lovelier
As part of Soylent Green.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 