There once was a guy named Bob
Who’d never had a job.
He lived on his own
Died all alone,
Decomposed into an unrecognizable blob.
OR
Writing to share the memory of my beloved colleague and life coach, Robert.
He was a man of unparalleled entrepreneurial vision,
A self-made man and independent thinker
Who lived life on his own terms.
His passing inspires us all to further our ownership,
Reflect on our humility,
And scale our amorphous impacts toward the next incarnation of progress.
When a teacher is sick
They call in a sub
Who may or may not know the material.
I think all jobs
Should have similar deals
When they contract something bacterial.
If you get a cough
Or an ache or a wheeze
Your workplace will fet on a call
With some guy named “Jake”
Who comes to your desk
And proceeds to do no work at all.
I don’t want this deal
Because I slack off
Or because it will help anyone;
I want this because
If I could have any job
“Substitute you” would be pretty fun.
Filed under Poems
Haikus prove Japan
Thought of TikTok poetry
Way before the world.
Filed under Poems
My friend parked in the special spots
With the picture of Professor Xavier.
If he stayed, he’d get a ticket
So I became his savior.
“You’re not allowed to park there,” I said.
“It’s reserved for people with disabilities
“Like fans of foreign movies
“And those who say ‘white fragility.’”
Filed under Poems
Lore drop: “No cap fam”
When said to boomers does not
Make them press F, chat.
Filed under Poems
So people are being naughty
And God floods the entire world
And everybody dies unless
On Noah’s ark they’re curled.
Then the dinosaurs get off the ark
And continue their ungodly acts
And though the Bible doesn’t say it
We can all guess how God reacts…
Filed under Poems
9:00 PM practice
Because people play better
After a long day
A candle popped over my head
As my epiphany did start:
Perhaps making that time machine
Turned out to not be smart.
Filed under Poems
Government program
Accomplished its goals, and so
We’ll drop your taxes.
Filed under Poems
There was a redhead from Seattle
Who beat the bad sheep in a battle.
Four teams had a chance
To ask Darnold to dance
And now they’ve all heard death’s rattle.
Two weeks from now we will play
An opponent much worse than LA.
We’ve found our new guy
So fly, Seahawks, fly!
(Unless Woolen somehow gets his way).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 