Someone approached my wife and asked her
“Is your man a good multitasker?”
My wife said, “No, he’s really bad.”
I stopped listening then so I could get mad.
Tag Archives: Travesty
Difficulties In Treating Dyslexia
If you need to do brain surgery
Make sure someone sees ya
‘Cause otherwise you might mix up
Euthanasia and anesthesia.
Filed under Poems
Post-Holiday Pleasures
What’s most nearly opposite
To gently falling rain,
Your lover’s gentle heartbeat,
And comfort of the brain?
The answer starts with “Someone”
And ends with “Else’s baby on a plane.”
Filed under Poems
Christmas Somewhen
Somewhen there’s a child
In the snowy winter night
Staring upward into Heaven
And onto the brightest star.
Somewhen there’s a desperate man
Who lost his latest fight
Who’ll spend the snowy evening
In the backseat of his car.
Somewhen a chilly gentleman
Will give one final cast;
A trip to somewhere lonely ends
With pulling on a rod.
Somewhen there’s a virgin
Sitting on her ass
As it carries her to Bethlehem
Where she’ll give birth to God.
Somewhen at the skating rink
He steals a midnight kiss
As the lights and drinks are flowing
And all life seems to rhyme.
Somewhen brothers stand as one
Amidst a toxic hiss
And proceed to kill themselves
One shot at a time.
Somewhen wrapping paper tears.
Somewhen candles light
Someone’s unspoken birthday wish
And others left forlorn.
Among the bullets, bottles, candles,
Kisses, stars, and night
I hope another savior
Somewhen in you is born.
Filed under Poems
Is Mary In Labor Yet?
We’ve waited for a while now
To celebrate some waiting,
Expectantly expecting
To be anticipating.
Today at last the wait can end
And world peace is beginning
Until the 26th occurs
And we resume our sinning.
Filed under Poems
*Rapidly Buys Stock In Scarf Company*
If you throw plastic in the trash
I hope you realize
That you might be the reason
A baby turtle dies
And if, because of plastic,
Sea turtles end up dead
They can’t make turtleneck sweaters anymore
And you’ll have to wear scarves instead.
Filed under Poems
Capitalism In Action
People are saying college is expensive,
That $100,000 in debt isn’t fine.
I worked hard to get a scholarship
And only owe $99,999.99
Filed under Poems
At The Drei Goods Store
I met an old man born in 1919,
A genuine centenarian.
He was burdened with many a bag
So I helped the man with some carryin’.
His bags were filled with red cabbage
And I asked “Are you vegetarian?”
Turns out he fought in World War II;
He was a veteran aryan.
Filed under Poems
Disagreement For Dummies
John said the best year
To be a sardine
Was 1783.
I think the best year
Was 1790
And thus John is dead to me.
Filed under Poems
The Real Reason For Bread And Water In Prison
Want to give stopping crime a try?
We’ve got police and the FBI,
The CIA and TSA
And yet crime just won’t go away!
I have a method that may just work:
If somebody is being a jerk
Feed them lots of food, ’cause who
Commits a crime when they have to poo?
When perpetrators are constipated
You’ll find most violence had abated;
If you don’t want to end up dead
Feed potential felons bread.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 