A pyromaniacal lizard,
A grand aquatic turtle,
A plant-infested dinosaur
Walk into a bar.
Some ten-yeard-olds
Go on a quest with them.
It’s worked out well so far.
Tag Archives: Travesty
Hard Hypotheticals
If I could clone myself
And make an evil twin
I probably wouldn’t.
But somewhere out there
The guy whose evil twin
Would’ve killed Hitler
Is regretting his choice
Not to make an evil clone.
Now I’m doubting my decision…
Filed under Poems
Rodin’s “The Age Of Bronze” Talks About His Career Change
I am a person made of bronze,
Carved from orangish metal.
My body looks so human
But I’m closer to a kettle.
I’ll never move, I’ll never speak,
I’ll never love or feel.
I’ll never be a human,
But I’m absolutely real.
I’ll never learn of math or art.
I’ll never know a fact.
I’ll have no skills in anything,
So I guess I’ll have to act.
My body’s perfect, ageless, strong
Although I can’t be dumber
And thus I’ve come to Hollywood,
Renamed “The Up-And-Comer.”
Filed under Poems
Political Commentary < Forced Cheese Puns
When all was young
In the beginning
There was a big cheese
And we called it a king.
But the cheese was too big
For the peasants’ humble stomachs.
Though they had many plans
The situation continued to flummox.
So they cut up the king,
(Figuratively, of course)
And imposed their own rule
Through riot-based force.
Instead of a king
Who can do as he pleases
They had a republic
Of many smaller cheeses.
Yes, the peasants were the first
Of the modern free-staters.
They made cheeses smaller
And, thus, the cheese grater.
Filed under Poems
Thanks Evil Empire!
I went to a church
Not confident one bit
About appropriate places
For me to sit.
Then a stormtrooper came
And yelled “pew, pew, pew!”
I am so very grateful
That now I know what to do!
Filed under Poems
Travesty for a 16-Year-Old
Sometimes it seems
Like rhyming doesn’t matter
But it does
Or, like, whatever.
Filed under Poems
A Slight Exaggeration, But Still Pretty Darn Dedicated
I spent the morning puking
Than had a headache linger
Then had a crazy workday
As life gave me the finger.
And as my eyes began to bleed
And all my hair turned gray
All I worried about was if
I wrote a travesty yesterday.
Filed under Poems
A Birthday Travesty
My yearly birthday ritual
Is something to behold,
Though it’s tasteless and repugnant
I am very often told.
I start the day by flossing
For the first time in a year
For you are just what you eat
And the data’s all right here.
Then I right down my wishes
And goals for the coming year
Which flow so much more smoothly
After a quart or two of beer.
Then I take a nap
On the floor beside my couch
After which I try to do some squats
That end up as a slouch.
Then I might contact all my friends
And tell them of their flaws
Or drive to the police station
And break some petty laws,
And as no one posts my bail
Thus ends my birthday drill.
Now the year’s worst day is over.
From now on it’s all uphill.
Filed under Poems
Prom Baby
I picked her up at seven
Going to the promenade.
She was dressed in a vermillion gown
Wrapped tightly ’round her bod.
I gazed into her emerald eyes.
My heart was thumping madly.
That evening’s when I realized
I was going to be a Daddy.
(It’s great to be back after six months. Long live the mediocrity)!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 