I love you
With all my heart,
Like hobos love
A shopping cart,
Like children laugh
When people fart,
When we are near
Or far apart.
Tag Archives: True Story
My Girl Called This “So Sweet” … Should I Be Worried?
Filed under Poems
Remember When I Was A Bachelor And Wrote Funny, Cynical Stuff? Yeah… About That…
I took a nap and pet a cat
And read a book and brushed a horse
And now I write a poem about that
That’s precisely eight lines long, of course.
Some days you will stress and struggle;
Some days you’ll complain and whine.
Today I smiled and chose to snuggle
A ginger angel, mine all mine.
Filed under Poems
Eight Lines In Two Minutes… I’m Inspired 🥰
Tonight I was abducted
By a girl with rosy hair
And forced into abiding love
Of depth both fine and rare.
She’s brushing her teeth now
And I’m trying to write this fast.
(This wasn’t my first “my girl’s here” poem
And it surely won’t be my last).
Filed under Poems
Progress
When I write poems in the evening
They’re terrible, so today I said
“I’m going to write my poem first thing”
And now I’m bad in the morning instead!
Filed under Poems
My Job Application
Today I applied
For a job at Haikuists
And my resume
Was almost complete
But alas this applicant
Didn’t think ahead.
They asked for Haikus
About Love and Spring and Cats
But they had no space
For me to submit
These poems, and so I post
Them for your sake here:
Spring In Protland
Spring is in the air…
So is pollen, and it rains
While the sun still shines
Cats
Fickle feline friend…
Six pounds of pure killing force…
What a cutey pie!
Love
You will meet someone
And your soul will fill with fire
Be sure to hydrate
Filed under Poems
At Least I Made An Effort This Time?
Every other day it seems
I write a poem good,
And every other day
I say I probably should.
Today I settled in between,
Insofar as it’s eight lines long
And includes some funny words
Like spelunker and dipthong.
Filed under Poems
She Even Reads My Bad Poems ❤️
Once in a while you meet someone nice,
And once a year someone ideal,
But once in a lifetime you might meet a person
Who’s someone entirely real;
Who burps like a hippo and sleeps like a kitten
With hair that demands that you pet it;
They’ll go out of their way to buy baby corn
Though it took them two Safeways to get it.
Sometimes that person is one of a kind,
Someone faithful and honest and true,
And your only job is forgetting to doubt
That their perfect partner is you.
Filed under Poems
Haiku, Because Obviously
At my girlfriend’s house…
Use your imagination
Or don’t… that’s your call
Filed under Poems
Guess Who’s Done With Nerd School?
IDK about IP,
If DSL allows VoiP,
Or if I’ll get PTSD
From studying about IT.
IDC I got a B…
I still got a BS Degree
Now I can sit and watch TV
And feel no burning when I pee.
IDGAF about
Telnet, USB, or a SaaS cloud.
All that is behind me now,
Like CD Rom and WoW.
Filed under Poems
I WOULD RATHER GIVE SATAN’S PET PORCUPINE A BLOWJOB THAN HAVE FRONTIER INTERNET ONE MORE SECOND
Right now it’s been 21 minutes
Since I started loading my homework
And the first question still hasn’t loaded.
I imagine sometime in the future
When the sun is a distant memory
And perhaps the whole universe has imploded
I’ll finally look at my laptop
And see “Question 1 of 16”
Blinking at me from the shadows of collapsing stars…
Well, it’s been seven more minutes
Since I started writing this poem
So thank goodness my Wifi says I have three bars!
Edit: It’s Viasat, actually. (This is the Upgrade from Frontier. Leave none alive)
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 