The saddest nights in history
Are probably the fall of Rome,
The night you watch the start of “Up”,
And when Santa worked from home.
Tag Archives: Truth
What’s Your Type?
Some men like big butts
And some like them small;
Some like short women
And some like them tall.
Some men like long hair
And some men like bald;
Some guys love feet pics
And some are appalled.
Some men like titties
And no men do not;
Some find legs sexy
And some find them hot.
Some men like fat girls
And some like them slim;
Some guys like all these
And some prefer him.
Guys are to horny
As goats are to hunger;
Some use their fingers
And some guys will tongue ‘er.
So if you’re a woman
And feel insecure
Just know if you ask him
Some guys will say “sure.”
Filed under Poems
Why Won’t He Wife Me?
Everybody tells me that he’s poison
And is blood is made of boiling gasoline.
He’s never loved anybody more than himself
And he’s a barrel-chested killing machine.
He eats a baby bunny for his breakfast.
He’s got Bambi’s mommy mounted on the wall.
He’s a runner and a gunner and a scoundrel
And like OMG, I hope he’s six feet tall!
Filed under Poems
This Is One Instance Where A Live Stream Would Be Helpful
Can I write a poem
In exactly ten hours?
I could were I not so aloof.
See, it would be brilliant
But I’m insufficiently resilient
To answer your query: “Where’s the proof?”
Filed under Poems
Your Tax Dollars At Work #7,419
Before every movie you watch
There’s an FBI warning and on it
Is a message that vows either prison or fines
If you copy the movie and pawn it.
Meanwhile, in 38 states
Shoplifting a movie is legal.
I think it’s time the the FBI bird
Was replaced by a drunk cross-eyed seagull.
Filed under Poems
Classical Music
You’re here to see a concert
And the first piece we will play
Is the thanking of the sponsors,
For although you had to pay
A decent sum of money
To come see our group perform
Without our corporate overlords
We’d not be able to form.
Thank you to the money guys
Who like this older stuff.
Now please prepare to give a hand
For another half an hour of fluff…
Filed under Poems
I Almost Published This Without A Title (And In A Way, I Still Did?)
I want to skip my poem today.
The thought went through my head
And yet I wrote a poem…
Maybe I’ll skip leg day instead!
Filed under Poems
Rainy Parking Lot
Little drops of ocean sky
Fall upon my Honda’s hood.
I am warm and dry inside,
Content and sleepy. Life is good.
The raindrops play their glassy drum;
None of them would e’er predict
The mayhem that my wiper blades
Will, on their zen, so soon inflict.
Filed under Poems
Woe Is Me (Millennial Edition)
“I need to write a poem”
Isa thing I say many a night.
That’s usually followed by a poem like this.
Thus is the artist’s plight.
Filed under Poems
Launch Day!
Hello dear readers!
I write you today
With a break from the “ick”
And a fair dose of “yay”.
Available now
Is my most recent book,
Selected poems on love.
Go ahead! Take a look!
It’s called “Cheaper Than Flowers”
And that is the truth.
If you order now
It will not be uncouth:
It’s a wonderful gift
For Valentine’s day
For that lover of yours
Who just won’t go away…
The Daily Travesty 