The incidences of protests
Inversely correlate
With the cost of protest signs
And whether people have a date.
Tag Archives: Truth
Watch As This Somehow Violates The WordPress Terms Of Service…
If you see an ad
Anywhere around this page
Do not click on it.
Advertisers don’t
Pay me to be on my site.
That gives me no joy.
But if I offend
All the advertising firms
They might go away.
Thus all these haiku
Warning you not to click on
Those cheap f#%^ers’ ads.
Filed under Poems
Lettuce Feast
Salads are bad.
We know this because
The dressing industry exists to hide
How bad your salad was.
Filed under Poems
Quick Thoughts On Bad Drivers
Justice
I think we all agree that it’s
A terrible fate to drown
But I still wish it on those
Who pass me then slow down.
——————————————————–
Bumper Stickers:
It have noticed that
People honk for Jesus more
When I text my friends.
——————————————————–
Self-Awareness
If you see a car with the hazard lights on
It’s probably my Grandma Ruth.
She’s not a very good driver
But she always tells the truth.
——————————————————–
You Do It Too…
My pinky and ring-finger rise
And my upward palm is flat,
The universal symbol
Of “What the fuck was that?”
Filed under Poems
Marriage
As the lovers grew older
Much to the wife’s delight
Her husband looked much like Sean Connery.
The husband didn’t say it
(For he didn’t want a fight)
But he couldn’t help but think it: So did she.
Filed under Poems
Really Puts Things In Perspective…
A seahorse is always angry
For that is the seahorse’s curse.
You probably can’t tell that it’s angry
And that just makes the poor thing feel worse.
The things that make seahorses happy
Are skis and the word “Bangalore.”
The next time that you see a seahorse
I hope you can empathize more.
Filed under Poems
Diversity
I told my family that I’m gay.
They said “No problem, that’s okay.”
I told them next that I do drugs.
They said “Let us give you hugs.”
I said I like to eat poo.
They said “We’re always here for you.”
I told them I voted for Trump.
They said “Kill yourself you nazi asshole.”
Filed under Poems
Dear Snowflakes…
If the words of a total stranger
Can cause great offense to you
Then I have just one thing to say
And that is whoop-dee-doo.
Filed under Poems
Tomorrow I’ll Be Motivated
This year I wrote poems
In large quantities.
Next year I will do the same.
That’s why I don’t mind
That my poem this evening
Is a bit on the spectrum of lame.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 