A poem might be a sonnet,
A haiku, or an acrostic.
You said God made you pretty
And now I’m an agnostic.
Tag Archives: Truth
Yet More Biblical Scholarship
When Jesus was a baby,
Two or three years maybe,
He probably had a phase of asking “why?”
“Why was I born a Jew?”
“Why’re the sky and water blue?”
“Why don’t wise men ever bring me pie?”
And I’m inspired by Mary,
As her baby she did carry
For It must take considerable skill
To look at Baby God
With a motherly sort of nod
And answer him “Because it is your will.”
Filed under Poems
Dear [Insert Any WNBA Team Here, If You Can]
I think that women’s basketball
And the WNBA
Deserve credit for helping
So many girls admit they’re gay.
But when they start demanding
More fair and equal pays
It behooves them to remember
That you can’t have both these days.
See, the typical NBA guy
Eats 2,000 pounds per day
Is 12 feet tall and has a trunk
And their skin is tough and gray.
The typical WNBA-er
Is about the same, you see
Except no one will pay to see her
‘Cause she’s only five-foot-three.
At one game we ask “do you think
“Shaquille can dunk on Mike?”
At the other game we wonder
“You think that one’s not a dyke?”
But if you score a hundred points
In every single game
And hire a player anyone
Would recognize by name
And sell out any contest
Then we’ll pay you like Jeff Teague.
Until you do, just be content
That you still have a league.
Filed under Poems
Why I’m Homeschooled
I knew not how to spell “Schism”
And so I took a wild guess…
“I-t-apostrophe-s-P-
o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s.”
Filed under Poems
Priorities
I don’t see why we’re worrying
About regulating guns
When supermarkets sell packages
Of eight hot dogs and ten buns.
Filed under Poems
Knowledge =/= Power
I know how to love my neighbor.
I know how to win a fight.
I know how to hold my ground
And not back down from what is right.
I know how to give a speech
And how to help a friend in need.
I know how to make love grow
From what was but a tiny seed.
I know how to be myself.
I know how one’s heart forgives.
I know how to stoke the fire
Which in my soul forever lives.
I know how to have no fear
And hold myself in high regard.
The only problem I can see
Is everything I know is hard.
Filed under Poems
On The General Nature Of Material Things
In this world of cats and dogs,
Of black and white, of bricks and logs,
It seems it nature’s choice we trust
The things which most resemble us,
Because of nature or our minds,
We oft call “evil” other kinds
Of creatures, colors, or supplies;
To do this I don’t think is wise.
If dogs chase cats or cats scratch dogs,
If we stack bricks or burn some logs
We do these things not out of spite
But merely ’cause it feels right.
So are we, by our nature, wrong
To do as we’ve done all along
Merely since a precious few
Feel malice as these things they do?
Shall we, must we, can we insist
That the building and the chase desist?
Are we all not good human beings
But, one and all, [Insert here]-ist fiends?
I like to think what harm we do
Is in pursuit of what is true,
And if we don’t find verity
We fail with true sincerity.
Impose not evil on the Earth
For no more than being given birth
And if another’s sin you see
Know the sinner is human like you and me.
Perhaps through this we’ll forget war,
We’ll never suffer anymore.
More likely we’ll still scratch and bite
But, mindfully, still smile despite.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Was Originally Going To Be Longer, But It’s Sponsored By Apple’s Battery Supplier
I asked how she was feeling
And she said “Around 90%.”
That’s when I said
“If you were an iPhone you’d be dead,”
And that’s how my Wednesday went.
Filed under Poems
Psalm 6:15 AM
1. And the Lord said: Thou shalt shower
2. And when thou have finished with the shower thou shall dry your face and balls
3. And shall dry thine face first, but sometimes have to dry it again after the balls
4. But fear not, for the Towel has a short memory
5. And where once thine genitals were dried, the spot shall be made clean
6. And the next morning the towel shall be refreshed, as if untouched the day prior.
7. And shouldst thou be aroused at any time
8. Thou shall hang the towel upon the “ready servant” and rejoice in your manliness
8. But thou shall not speak of this ritual to women,
9. ‘Cause bro, why wouldst thou?
The word of the Lord
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 