“Do what makes you happy”
Is what my first psychiatrist said,
So can you really blame me
When the shrink ended up all dead?
Tag Archives: Weird
Baby Don’t Got Back
I saw her and yelled to her “Hey!”
Then I asked “those legs go all the way?”
Then I thought “what the heck?”
‘Cause her legs met her neck
Which I noticed as she walked away.
Filed under Poems
Who Needs Memory Anyway?
“Clumps of dainty silver bones
Mixed amidst the silent stones
Are bathed not in blood or tears
But in the light of yesteryears.”
I don’t know the meaning of that verse,
If it be blessing or a curse,
But it’s tattooed on my forehead
Which is why I no longer drink before bed.
Filed under Poems
How I Greet New Neighbors
Like an inexpensive cut of meat
Stewed for many a lukewarm hour
You’re welcome when sold on my street
But far less welcome in my shower.
Filed under Poems
What I See After The Vegetarian Buffet
Lucid wall of rusty bricks…
Placid bolt of melted meat…
Suit all made of candle wicks…
What the heck did I just eat?
Filed under Poems
Fishing Scams
I got a suspicious email
From Prince Magbar of Venezuasia
Saying “want to go fishing this Sunday?”
You can’t let emails like that faze ya.
I got another message
A week after the first.
“Dear friend, I must give you money
“Or I fear my spleen will burst.”
I finally blocked his messages
To no longer get that spam,
But only moments later
I questioned who I am
To deny a man with money-spleen
From going fishing with his dear friend.
I replied, guiltily, and we met by the lake
Where he tore out and ate my lungs. The end!
Filed under Poems
If You’re Really Curious About The Consequences Though…
Never chew your eyebrows off.
“Why would I?” You surely scoff.
“And also how?” You’ll likely say.
If you so choose you’ll find a way.
Thus my warning: Please don’t try.
For this you’re welcome. Now good bye!
Filed under Poems
Happy 3.6630137th Anniversary! (Give or Take)
Yesterday I got a badge
From my blog on WordPress here
That said “you’ve made 1,337 posts.”
Of that I’m glad to hear.
I wonder about the programmer
Who came up with that badge though.
Why 1,337 is so important…
Will we ever really know?
Sure, there is 1,000.
There is 2,000 too.
1,500, 999, or even 2,002.
But 1,337
Was the number this guy chose.
Well, thanks for sticking with me
And sharing moments just like those!
Filed under Poems
My Religious Beliefs
“Chickens don’t believe in God
“So chickens go to Hell.”
That’s what Grandma told me
And so far it’s served me well.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 