I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
I’m looking for a kettle six-foot or thereabout
Who makes a hefty salary, and when I shout
He wins me over and takes me out.
Tag Archives: Women
Mysteries of the Fairer Sex
My wife brought home ten pairs of shoes
Because she simply couldn’t choose
Between the heels, the pumps, the flats,
The mules, the boots, the this-and-thats,
The espadrilles, the gladiators,
So bought them all, saying “See you laters”.
I, on the other hand, am a guy
And really have to wonder why
She wants more than a couple pumps
To satisfy her lady lumps…
Filed under Poems
Know Your Role!
Women are possessed of powers
Men cannot explain
But sitting on the toilet for half an hour
Is strictly man’s domain.
Filed under Poems
When The Kamala Voters Go On a “Sex Strike”
The Donald got elected
And that makes me so depressed
‘Cause now I can’t go out at night
Wearing my Sunday best
To hit on green-haired feminists
Who think that I am Satan.
Oh well, I have my freedom
And more time for masturbatin’.
Filed under Poems
Knights May Be Scarce, But Fairies Are Thriving
You know how the female fantasy
Used to be being held in a tower
Until a brave prince came a calling,
Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?
Well, now the female fantasy
Is to be the brave dragon who can
And wondering why the princes won’t die
To save damsels who don’t need a man.
Filed under Poems
Honestly, Don’t Limit It To Just Movies
I think instead of IMDB
Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews
We just need a site to completely compile
Liberal white women’s reviews.
Then you can see which films don’t appeal
To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.
That would inform me much more directly
If a film will be funny or no.
Filed under Poems
The Feminine Paradox
She said “I love ventriloquists.”
Her vagina said “That’s right!”
In my defense, she laughed at that
But I’m still on the couch tonight.
Filed under Poems
THIS! IS! ZEROPERCENTBODYFAT…IMEANSPARTA
Tonight we watched 300
(My wife and I, that is).
I learned of Leonidas
And the courage that was his
To lead a band of brothers
To their deaths love and freedom.
My wife also enjoyed the abs
And told me that I need ‘em.
Filed under Poems
Why Won’t He Wife Me?
Everybody tells me that he’s poison
And is blood is made of boiling gasoline.
He’s never loved anybody more than himself
And he’s a barrel-chested killing machine.
He eats a baby bunny for his breakfast.
He’s got Bambi’s mommy mounted on the wall.
He’s a runner and a gunner and a scoundrel
And like OMG, I hope he’s six feet tall!
Filed under Poems
International Women’s Day
Across the world we celebrate
The folks with whom we wish to mate
Who possess many powers neat
But don’t know what they want to eat.
Without them the economy would crash
And people would buy more with cash.
The roads would probably be safer
And nobody would use the word “wafer”.
Clothes would only come in gray
And everybody’d end up gay
So I for one am grateful that
We have women, and that is that.
Filed under Poems
