You know how the female fantasy
Used to be being held in a tower
Until a brave prince came a calling,
Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?
Well, now the female fantasy
Is to be the brave dragon who can
And wondering why the princes won’t die
To save damsels who don’t need a man.
Filed under Poems
I think instead of IMDB
Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews
We just need a site to completely compile
Liberal white women’s reviews.
Then you can see which films don’t appeal
To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.
That would inform me much more directly
If a film will be funny or no.
Filed under Poems
She said “I love ventriloquists.”
Her vagina said “That’s right!”
In my defense, she laughed at that
But I’m still on the couch tonight.
Filed under Poems
Tonight we watched 300
(My wife and I, that is).
I learned of Leonidas
And the courage that was his
To lead a band of brothers
To their deaths love and freedom.
My wife also enjoyed the abs
And told me that I need ‘em.
Filed under Poems
Everybody tells me that he’s poison
And is blood is made of boiling gasoline.
He’s never loved anybody more than himself
And he’s a barrel-chested killing machine.
He eats a baby bunny for his breakfast.
He’s got Bambi’s mommy mounted on the wall.
He’s a runner and a gunner and a scoundrel
And like OMG, I hope he’s six feet tall!
Filed under Poems
Across the world we celebrate
The folks with whom we wish to mate
Who possess many powers neat
But don’t know what they want to eat.
Without them the economy would crash
And people would buy more with cash.
The roads would probably be safer
And nobody would use the word “wafer”.
Clothes would only come in gray
And everybody’d end up gay
So I for one am grateful that
We have women, and that is that.
Filed under Poems
There once was a man with a wife
Who, for some reason, valued his life.
Twas the week of the shark,
So he went to the park
Knowing she’s apt to wield a knife.
Filed under Poems
What is a horse other than a unicorn
That doesn’t have a shiny horn
Or wings or pink hair or magical power
And never, ever takes a shower?
So why would you ever want a horse
When a unicorn is better with no recourse?
The answer, dear reader, in case you are stumped
Is precisely why even Tom Brady gets dumped.
Filed under Poems
There comes a time in every man’s life
Where he is trapped with his female kin
And there’s crying and talking and crafting galore
And he’s trying his best to fit in
But after an hour of trying to talk
And solve problems, he has an epiphany:
His life as he knows it is over because
He hit on a waitress named Tiffany…
Filed under Poems
In animated TV shows
A girl will find a magic thing
And say a word like “Fairy glows”
And the world around her blooms and sings
And rainbows fly around her while
Her outfit morphs, her hair grows long,
And she becomes “Power Angel Smile”,
As beautiful as she is strong.
Armed with justice, power, and grace
She slays all who her oppose.
Who can stop her and erase
Her magic power? No one knows!
If you would see this transformation
And a woman gain this deadly crown
Just say “Babe, for your information
“You’re overreacting. Just calm down.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 