They say there was a mermaid
With a very short torso
Even though she was seven feet long.
Some people have told me
That it’s a tall tale
And I tell them they spelled “tail” wrong.
Category Archives: Poems
The Gospel According To Some Doofus Poet
I like the idea that there was a caveman
Who coincidentally looked like Jesus
And when Jesus’s body was hidden away
The caveman came out just to please us
And seeing society for the first time
He didn’t know what else to do
So he used his caveman magic
And up into heaven he flew.
Meanwhile, actual Jesus
Woke up after three days or so
But everyone said he’d already ascended
And, to heaven, he’d no need to go
So he went back to being a carpenter
And made many beautiful shims
And sent every customer home with a smile
And said many, “Nope, I just look like him”s.
Filed under Poems
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em
If you can’t beat ‘em, beat ‘em.
They’ll expect tou join them instead
So you have the element of surprise
If you beat ‘em and mess with their head.
Filed under Poems
Good… You’re Finally Awake!
There once was a dragonborn chap
Who fell into an Imperial trap.
But in an odd twist
He was not on the list
And then down a dragon did flap…
Filed under Poems
Qatar Is Just Protecting Their Spanish Friends From Flooding
So Trump accepted a gifted plane
Worth half a billion dollars
Which prompted a lot of random folks
To become morning radio callers.
But with regards to blame
And deciding on whom to pin it
You should know the rain in Spain
Is apparently mainly in it.
Filed under Poems
Who Needs A Kid When You Have…
Big fat ginger cat
Satan in a fluffy ball
He deserves more food
Filed under Poems
Love You Mom! (Even If You Raised A Poet)
Today we celebrate the gals
Who held us in their wombs
Instead of sending unborn us
To our not-born-yet dooms,
Who raised us as to be decent folk
(Regardless if it worked)
So clean and pure in making sure
Our chores were never shirked,
Who bought us socks for Christmas
And for the many that still do,
Who cleaned diapers and never
Did eschew beaucoup pee-yoo.
Thank you mothers everywhere
And hear us when we say
We’re grateful that at least one night
You probably weren’t gay.
Filed under Poems
Every. Single. Month.
In thirty seconds
She can laugh and scream and weep
‘Cause water is wet
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 