A chicken divine
Made entirely of gold
With a mind to cure cancer
And which never gets old
That makes a girl fall in love
And a man squeal like a dork
Looks as lovely as can be
As I stab it with my fork.
Category Archives: Poems
All My Friends Disserted Me (The Modern Woe Of PhDs)
If you want to seem intelligent
Valediction of erudition
Is phermonically aleviated
By trepidation vis a cognition.
In the circumstance of dereliction
Of your vocabulative varelse
You may query my acquaintance
Or acquaint with someone else.
Filed under Poems
Wait For It
I thought the play was boring,
So trite and lacking plot
Yet all the other audience
Was liking it a lot.
The outrage came at halftime
When Godeau arrived at last
And everybody left in a huff
Including all the cast.
Godeau to me apologized
For being many decades late
And together we wrote a play
That non-artsy folks won’t hate.
It’s coming to a theatre
Near you and you should go
But waiting for performance dates
Is much like waiting for Godeau.
Filed under Poems
Devil’s Advocate, Nuptial Parity Edition
A first drink or a first date
Can be first love or likewise hate.
A first kiss or first fight
Are blackness deep and endless light.
A first dance as man and wife
Will give you joy for all your life
Unless man/man or woman/woman you’re.
Then you’ll complain about this poem for sure.
Filed under Poems
What My Mother Tells Me
When you have to stay up late
Because you’ve got a flight
You can forget until 11:56
To write your poem tonight.
Filed under Poems
A Slight Exaggeration, But Still Pretty Darn Dedicated
I spent the morning puking
Than had a headache linger
Then had a crazy workday
As life gave me the finger.
And as my eyes began to bleed
And all my hair turned gray
All I worried about was if
I wrote a travesty yesterday.
Filed under Poems
Found In A Jock’s First Aid Manual
Examine the location
Of your injured body part.
Elevate it to a place
That is up above your heart.
Then wait as you remember saying
“Technical writing’s a crappy job.”
Be careful who you tease in high school.
Good luck! Yours truly, Bob.
Filed under Poems
Snow Days
Today I tried to do nothing.
I stayed in bed all day.
I didn’t eat or drink or poop
Or breathe or sweat or pray.
I avoided salivating
And I didn’t leave my room.
I didn’t shower so my odor
Now surrounds me in a plume.
I didn’t read or watch TV.
I didn’t surf the net.
I did not look out the window
And I didn’t feed my pet.
I neglected all life’s naggings
And engaged in nary a vice
And if tomorrow’s snowy also,
Well, I just might do it twice!
Filed under Poems
When 11 Just Aren’t Cutting It
Sometimes in our busy lives
The screaming kids and missing socks
Distract us from our due worship
Of our beloved Seattle ‘Hawks.
And so as Rodgers tossed the ball
Three downs into the third
The socks and kids conspired
Against the Northwest’s bird.
The Hawks restores our shattered hopes
A dozen micro-plays from there
When Hauschka’s kick from 28
Soared for 3 through frigid air.
The Packers missed a field goal kick
And took a penalty for 15. It
Will no longer please me writing this
‘Cause the rest of the game was shit.
Wilson threw like the guy by you
Who thinks he could throw better.
The interceptions just kept coming
And our eyes kept growing wetter.
Into this devestations causes
I dare not think to delve.
I can only say it’s all your fault.
Next time be a better twelve.
After Writing This I Actually Checked Amazon (Just In Case)
Guitar housemate is playing
Resounding evening chords
That resonate throughout the house
And shake its very boards.
Guitar housemate
Will suffer at a later time
Thanks to my new “grow your own giant roach” kit
And 2-day shipping from Amazon Prime.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 