I once sold tires for Goodyear
But my sales hit a kink.
We had a bad year at Goodyear.
Now I don’t know what to think.
Category Archives: Poems
The Gingerbread’s Regrets
I told them to run, run, run.
In fact, I mercilessly taunted.
Alas the final result
Was nothing like what I wanted.
I did not fully consider
When all was said and done
The degree of just how slowly
We cookie-men can run.
Filed under Poems
It’s All Aroun’, Bringin’ Us Down
What comes up
Must come down.
What goes sideways, as it turns out
Also must come down.
What doesn’t move at all
Never will go up.
It is for these reasons
That gravity makes a crappy topic
For poetry.
Filed under Poems
See Spot Run
See spot run.
Spot runs fast
Because if Spot
Comes in last
Spot will lose
His family’s approval
Which will lead, in relation
To his house, his removal.
Spot enjoys
Not living on the street
So Spot runs fast.
Of foot, he is fleet.
Spot comes in second
Which Jane thinks is slick.
Alas, Spot’s owner
Is a Dick.
Filed under Poems
Missing My Step, Son
I’m just walking,
Nothing special going on,
When I realize suddenly
That you’re absent, gone.
My sudden epiphany
Hits me right in the spine,
So I said “watch out for the drop”
To the next guy in line.
Filed under Poems
The Consequences of Peace
My baggage is here.
I’m safe and happy
Which means once again
These poems will be short and crappy.
The War Goes On
They say they’ll write me,
Keep me up to date
As for my lost luggage
I anxiously wait.
But sometimes I’m weak
And I go online
To check out the status
Of that “delayed” bag of mine.
I type in my last name,
An eight digit code
And wait five painful seconds
For the website to load
Only to find
Its status unchanged.
It’s made a me a little
Completely deranged.
“Assign me a driver”
I woefully shriek,
But “findmysuitcase.com”
Doesn’t hear what I speak.
That’s how I’ve been living
For most of the day
Until United Airlines
Sends that suitcase my way.
Filed under Poems
Zero
Zero is the number
Of hours I slept
Before a 2:00 AM shuttle
To the airport today.
Zero is the number
Of friendly cute girls
In the security line
That I met on the way.
Zero is the number
Of lightning storms I missed
Flying into Houston
A half hour late
Zero is the number
Of minutes I had
To get from my landing
To my connecting flight’s gate.
Zero is the number
Of on-time flights departing
In the 40-plane lineup
That the airport had grown.
Zero is the number
That shows up in red
In the battery section
Of my cellular phone.
Zero’s the number
In military time
That my plane finally landed
At my final city.
Zero is the number
Out of one checked bag
That was at the airport
Waiting for me.
Zero is the number
Of poems technically written
By me on Tuesday
June 28.
Zero is the number
Of f**ks I give
That this hard-fought travel poem’s
Published 12 minutes late.
Filed under Poems, Uncategorized
Am I A Monster?
I was brave. I came out of the closet
And they said “you’re a monster” to my face.
I entered a world that didn’t love me
Or those of my type, creed, or race.
I expected a celebration
But all I earned was hatred instead
So that’s why you’ll find me this evening
Just hiding under your bed.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 