Chicken of the Sea
Serves as warning for the fish
Who would go on land.
Category Archives: Poems
The Middle Child (68)
I remember how my sister,
69, was always “nice”.
Then my brother, 67,
Became a meme. It happened twice!
Yet here I am, poor 68,
Unrecognized ‘til now.
I am still important though,
And let me tell you how:
I’m the atomic number for Erbium
And the number of squares in Chutes and Ladders;
Emperor Nero died in year 68
So Julio-Claudians think that matters;
I’m a trope for a generic hotel room number
And the latitude of midnight sun;
L.C. Greenwood of the Steelers
Wore my number. Super fun!
I’m two-times-two times seventeen
And a Californian highway
And still despite these awesome facts
I never get things my way…
For now I’ll stay anonymous
As seems to be my fate
But watch for me on YouTube
In 2028.
Filed under Poems
Happy International Men’s Day!
House all to myself.
There’s a lot of stuff to do
Like nap on the couch.
Filed under Poems
The Blood God Congenially Requests Your Creativity
So I was just a year past ageless
And I wanted lamb for dinner
So I demanded a sacrifice
From some now-nameless sinner.
Now every year since the dawn of man
They sacrifice more sheep.
Can’t you sacrifice a salad once?
Or maybe a marshmallow peep?
Filed under Poems
Bypassing Internet Censorship, Two Clubs Interconnected By A Chain At A Time
Who decided that “Nunchaku”
Should be pronounced like “Numb Chucks?”
I assume it’s some translator,
But they’re almost certainly dunfaku.
Filed under Poems
Worth A Shot?
You say that pushing people
Into volcanos isn’t fair.
I say “the Mayans didn’t have a $38 trillion national debt”
And then, with a sniff, say “so there”.
Filed under Poems
Ja?
To my homeys in Mexico:
Without context, how do you know
If it’s Santa’s bellow
Or a rapper’s Hello
When you read the words “Jo jo jo”?
Filed under Poems
Saves Us Several Weeks Of Suffering In January, I Guess
The Rams faced off with the Seahawks
Who forgot how to lace up their Reeboks.
The hawks made four kicks
Betwtixt their four picks
And now they’re not Super Bowl 60 locks.
Filed under Poems
Gift Cards
Happy Birthday dude!
Here’s cash you can only spend
Somewhere you don’t go.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 