Tomorrow is Christmas eve
And today’s the 16th day of Chanukah.
I am six years old today
And you bought me a harmonica!
Category Archives: Poems
Not Saying Santa Advocates Piracy, But…
Jingle bells on a reindeer’s chest
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
A long night ahead with not much rest
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
The elves made toys
For good girls and boys
But what the kids today enjoy’s
An iThingy
In 4k HD
With a USB
And a ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Nine deer flew but just six came back
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Three collapsed ‘neath the Chinese sack
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Chimneyless homes
With their bulletproof domes
Are wherever he roams
Gluten free cookie lasses
Left him soy milk glasses
Which make him pass gasses
So a ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Fifteen elves still employed at best
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Xi Jinping gone outsourced the rest
So its ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Filed under Poems
For My Beloved Wife On The Occasion Of Her Illness
My girl is sick. She has the ick.
It makes her feel bad.
But she is lucky, ‘cause even when yucky
She’s married to me, her lad.
I make her soup that makes her poop
So all the germs come out,
And then she goes and blows her nose
And snot comes out her snout!
Now free of dreck, my darling Beck
May lay upon our couch.
I am her boulder, her comforting shoulder
For whenever she feels an ouch.
Soon will be when her and me
Go off to bed to sleep
And since she coughed I talk so soft
And help her count the sheep.
And when she wakes, the sound she makes
Is more thunder than snore
But through the night her gut got right;
She’s better than before.
So we repeat until her feet
Are under her anew.
My medical care is extraordinaire
Or so I think. Do you?
Filed under Poems
Leadership in 2023
All kids get trophies
And generals get medals
And the commander in chief asks
“Why don’t wheelchairs have pedals?”
Filed under Poems
Kings (Wait, What Word Were You Thinking Of?)
So explain to me again
How that word in your song
Is acceptable in rap
But if I say it, it’s wrong?
But if I say that word
With “vi” at the beginning
It’s no longer offensive
And the world just keeps on spinning?
Filed under Poems
Pitch Meeting
If you’re in a creative slump
With no ideas at all
Recall the Christmas ornament guy
Who said, “How ‘bout a ball?”
Filed under Poems
A Party They’ll Talk About For Years
Lovely bowl of fuchsia punch
On a granite countertop
Beside a vibrant floral bunch
And someone’s shouting “stop”
As my purebred chocolate lab
Puts Olympians to shame
And crash! They’re calling me a cab
And saying I’m to blame…
Filed under Poems
Saturday
I’ve done nothing productive all day
And that won’t stop now, ok?
Please don’t make me do stuff.
“Not at all” is enough
And I’d love if you all went away.
Filed under Poems
Cement Prices Keep Going Up, After All
God gave you a tree
And He gave you a saw
And by cutting the tree
You’ve accomplished the law.
God gave you a pothole
And He gave you a car
And now there’s a climate protest…
You with me so far?
Filed under Poems
Revealed: Why There Are More Losers Than Winners
The time will come when you must choose
Whether in life to win or lose.
But what do winning and losing get us?
Losers get cake; Winners get lettuce.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 