Tag Archives: America

April 23, 2020 · 2:16 pm

Man’s Best Friend Meets “The Man”

I was running with my dog

One Wednesday afternoon

When my puppy’s nose did spy

Malodorous raccoon.

Not the type to laugh at fate

My dog took up the chase.

Going zero to sixty in 3.2,

He should’ve won the race.

Alas, he turned a corner

Onto Lincoln Parkway South…

A german shepherd police dog

With radar gun in mouth!

I figured it was funny

Knowing the dog had snatched the gun

But funnier was how my pup

Went sixty to zero in 2.1

We got off with a growl,

The raccoon nowhere in sight.

I guess I should be grateful

That my puppy’s fur is white!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 7, 2020 · 2:50 pm

Not The Solution We Need, But The Solution We Deserve…

Thousands of New Yorkers

Are dying every day,

Yet no one has the courage

To step on up and say

“Send every smart-mouthed teenager

“Some radioactive Purell.”

We could have superheroes by now

But the government says “Oh well…”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

March 14, 2020 · 10:08 am

We’re Also Live-Streaming Bird Songs And Countable Sheep

This is your local government

Now or pretty soon

Emailing to let you know

That we sanitized the moon.

Looking into space

Will no longer cause disease

So while we cancel everything

Go stargaze as you please.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

March 1, 2020 · 6:51 pm

Made In China

Two Americans have died

From Coronavirus as of this date.

Also, 18,000 Americans

By the flu have met their fate.

That a virus 9,000-times less deadly

Than the flu can be this stressful

Is evidence enough for how

Asian folks are so successful.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

January 29, 2020 · 8:50 pm

Raucous Caucus Talk

In Iowa approacheth

Democratic circumstances

In which the snollygosters

Can perform their verbal dances,

Each hoping to ensnareth

Those gullible and influential

For they see primary voting

As a big campaign essential.

The maladroits have moseyed

And the minor leaguers drowned

Leaving only malefactors

With the finest lies around

And the lucky folks in Davenport,

Des Moines, and Keokuk

Get to argue first about

Who’s the least likely to suck.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

January 24, 2020 · 10:40 pm

Social Media

I think there are two types of folks.

Let’s see if you agree:

1: People who are literally Hitler

2: People who think just like me

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

November 23, 2019 · 9:45 pm

The American Way

You haven’t thought of pickles today

And you haven’t jumped a rope.

You haven’t kissed an armadillo

And you’ll never be the pope.

Your eyes aren’t orange like cinnamon

And you have a tooth smaller than your knee,

But if we voted for a different guy

You’ll probably disagree.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

November 17, 2019 · 11:17 pm

I’m Just Gonna Let This Hang Here…

Swords have cross-guards,

Hammers have heads,

And NFL cornerbacks

Often have dreads.

Movies have releases

And novels have printin’s,

But why can’t Taylor Swift

Have some dirt on the Clintons?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

October 28, 2019 · 8:51 pm

Feel Free To Add More!

If America falls into a second civil war

And you live in a republican town

It’s smart to hide in the welfare office

‘Cause that’s one place the Dems won’t burn down.

——————————————————–

If America falls into a second civil war

And you live in a democratic city

You’ll get shot alright

But if you’re not white

No one will say anything that makes you feel shitty.

——————————————————–

If America falls into a second civil war

And California is wiped off the map

The quality of films will go through the roof

As long as you like that Japanese crap.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

October 2, 2019 · 9:07 pm

Another Win For Airport Security

Bob and Jim were terrorists

With three-ounce bottles of shampoo.

Steve and Josh were anarchists

And they each had some shampoo too.

They made a bomb to kill some folks

By pooling all of their shampoo

And they would have succeeded

If Dan, with the nail clippers, had gotten through.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,