“You know those days
Where everything’s bad,
Everything hurts,
Everyone’s mad,
Nobody’s happy,
And nothing is true?
I don’t, but you’re nodding,
So it sucks to be you!”
Tag Archives: Annoying
August 18, 2017 · 3:36 pm
The Last Words Spoken To Me At My Customer Service Job Before My “Involuntary Retirement Was Expedited” On Account Of “Unbecoming Physical Demonstrations”
June 16, 2017 · 3:38 pm
Whose Phone Is This? (Aka The White-Guy-Alone-On-The-Bus-In-Harlem Song)
Whose phone is this
That disturbs my rest,
Who informs its master
By beeping?
Its constant noise
Does so make me stressed
For one minute ago
I was sleeping.
This, this
Is the white guy’s phone
Which disturbs your sleep
Via default tone.
This guy
Will be lain to rest
At the mortuary of Saint Mary.
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May 8, 2017 · 10:05 pm
NO! All 99 Verses Must Be Sung Or One Cannot Accurately Judge The Amount Of Beer Consumed!
I don’t mind your desire for completeness,
Your accuracy is sublime,
But couldn’t we just sing “et cetera”
And save ourselves trouble and time?
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December 20, 2016 · 4:32 pm
How I Met Your Mother (Although She Doesn’t Know It Yet)
I love you
Like a child loves an airplane
Like that Facebook friend
Loves someone you’ll never meet
Like the drunk guy at the bar
Loves “it man!”
Like the certified pre-owned vehicle consultant
Knows you’ll love this one specific car
I live you very verbally
In a way that’s oft disturbing
That’s measured in mega-decibels
And prevents a good night’s sleep
So I thought with this confession
I’d better introduce myself
So that you wouldn’t mistake me
As just a random stranger/creep.
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April 11, 2016 · 7:27 pm
One’s a Crowd
I’m a lonely little elf
In the presence of myself.
The solitude, it hurts my head.
I just wish I’d stop talking and go to bed.
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March 29, 2016 · 9:33 pm
Woodchuck It At Their Head!
Regarding amount of wood
Chucked by a woodchuck:
I’ll make the suggestion
That it increases greatly
When in the presence
Of someone asking that stupid question.
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March 9, 2016 · 11:58 am
Passing The Buck: Fear For Your Future
No, you didn’t miss yesterday’s poem. There wasn’t one. Well, OK, there was, but WordPress decided you would enjoy it more if it wasn’t made public. Here’s my sarcastic apology/today’s poem.
Since I made a promise
To write a poem a day
Nothing really has gone wrong,
That is ’til yesterday.
The Internet betrayed me
By publishing locally,
And so my broken promise
Was not the fault of me.
I’m apologizing.
This is the way things go.
Maybe I’ll fix it in the future
With a wall paid for by Mexico?
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January 23, 2016 · 8:56 pm
My Excuse, Courtesy of Stupidheads
My email got hacked today.
I don’t know who did it.
When I found out it happened
I sort of lost my… Ya know.
I’m going to change my password now
But if you see a post
That’s a poem you disapprove of,
It wasn’t me. It was a ghost.
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December 13, 2015 · 11:04 am
Tuesday Night
Tuesday night at 10:05
She texted “are you up?”
Tuesday night at 10:16
I cleverly sent back “yup.”
Wednesday morning, 4:08
She wrote me back “me too.”
I heard she found a new “BF,”
And I honestly pity the foo’.
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November 17, 2015 · 5:19 pm
European Medicine
Do you have
A song in your head
That makes you wish
That you were dead.
I’ve got medicine
To make that song come unfurled.
“It’s The Final Countdown.”
You’re welcome,
-The World
The Daily Travesty 