If I had a hippo
You wouldn’t gimme no lip, yo.
But I’ve got an elephant
And you’re just like “omg, can’t.”
So I just bought a rat,
So have fun with that
As I pull out my gator
And say “see ya later.”
Tag Archives: Bad
Apparently “Cosby-Cola” Is Not An Appropriate Suggestion
Our market research team said
Flavors that combine two fruity flavors
Like “strawberry-kiwi” and “lemon-lime”
Are massive money savers.
They asked us all to pick a pair
Of fruity tastes to try.
I suggested “date-grape”
And now I’m fired. They won’t say why…
Filed under Poems
“Best Picture”
If you make a very realistic movie
About a very unpleasant reality
You’ll make a very terrible piece of art
That will inevitably do well on IMDB.
Filed under Poems
Seriously Seattle?
There once was a Seattle bird team
Who fought a sports battle upstream.
Alas, the sheep rallied
While the birds dilly-dallied
And now they’re an NFL meme.
Filed under Poems
When Your Wife Meets The Minotaur And Has To Give Birth In An Echoey Cave
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb
Little lamb…
Mary had a little lamb
And the obstetrician fainted
Fainted
Fainted…
Filed under Poems
A Limerick About Mobile Games
There once was a Candy Crush knockoff
There twice was a Candy Crush knockoff
There thrice was a knockoff
Four times was a knockoff
Five times was a Candy Crush knockoff
Filed under Poems
My Community College Application Essay
“He who thinks great thoughts
“Often makes great errors”.
That’s a quote from Martin Heidegger.
I don’t think great thoughts
And I also make great errors…
That’s a quote from me. Also, Flydeigger.
Filed under Poems
1st Graders And I Have This In Common
Haikus are very
Very very very ver
Y easy to write
Filed under Poems
Also, We Had To Use The Pythagorean Theorem To Calculate Burrowing Speed, So We Are Nerdier Than Thee
We stayed up late
Playing D&D.
Yay for my players
But woe for readers (aka thee).
Filed under Poems
JJ Abrams Does Shakespeare
Whereupon the stymied patisserie
So quotidien in its avarice
Did lament the paternal accessorie
Whom were betwixt its effervescence
So flattering were its satellites
In the corona of solarium
That I could end this poem
Without rhyming.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 