Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling Clementine.
You are lost and gone forever.
On second thought, that’s just fine.
Tag Archives: Humor
That or Football
I’ve got a hobby that’s really cool
That makes me feel like a man.
I like staring at my roof;
I am a ceiling fan.
Filed under Poems
Give The Dog A Bone?
My town was in the news today
For a reason that isn’t nice.
A man was hired to kill another
Amidst a field of rice.
The way he committed the murder
Showed his creativity had no lack.
His weapon was a ceramic statue.
‘Twas a knick-knack paddy whack.
Filed under Poems
On My Own Terms (The Cat Song)
You take me into your home.
You keep me inside and play with my hair.
You call me a pretty boy
Then you punish me. Baby, give me some air!
You say “call me master.”
I am your slave now.
But I’ll live on my own terms
And soon to me you’ll bow.
You thought you’d relax in the bathroom,
Have clean furniture and a new-house smell.
You forgot me in that equation.
Now I welcome you to nine lives in Hell.
You said “call me master.”
I just said “meow.”
But I’ll live on my own terms
So who’s the master now?
Now you call me master.
You’re little more than my serf.
Now you’ll live by my terms
Or get your ass off my turf!
Robots of the Night
We’ve got robots to drive us,
To serve us, to vacuum,
To search the web, to save us
From our eventual fiery doom.
One robot no one’s thought of
That would really do a lot
Is a robot to replace the toilet paper roll.
Until then to the cupboard we’ll walk/squat.
Filed under Poems
Love In The Time Of #YesAllWomen
He offers a sideways glance.
She says “I have a boyfriend.”
Because of the the few, so many
Potential friendships this way end.
Filed under Poems
Wanna Play?
I’ve invented a new sport.
Its much like soccer
Except instead of a ball
You carry around
A rich guy on a couch
Who just lies back to enjoy it all.
The couch player
Is very important
Because they direct their team.
I think I’ll name it
Monarchy Ball.
It’s more loved than it would logically seem.
Filed under Poems
I’m Satisfied Though
Although I’m not clam-happy yet
I’m happy as an oyster.
It’s happinesd that’s mixed with tears-
Still happy, only moister.
Filed under Poems
So, So Meta
I spent all evening in a hot tub
Until 11:15 tonight.
I’m writing this poem while wrinkly
Which, in my book, makes it alright.
Filed under Poems
Hector Problems
Some days you’re unstoppable,
The top dog, the golden boy.
Other days your corpse gets dragged
Around the walls of Troy.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 