It’s 3:00 AM
And there’s nothing to eat
So I mudered my neighbors
And fried up their meat.
Then I turned on the news
And what did I see
But “2016 Election Coverage”
And a picture of me. 🙂
Tag Archives: Humor
Not For You And Me
Grew up in a place
Wouldn’t know
Where pronouns have no place
Or so said so.
Before call something
Might regret later
Know that shouldn’t
Be a hater.
Filed under Poems
Heyyyyyy Ladies
Message if you want to,
But I’ll save you some time:
I love ’90’s country music
And I don’t want a partner in crime.
If you don’t use “whom correctly”
Or distinguish “your” and “you’re”
Stay friendly with your loneliness
For I won’t be your cure.
I’m a diehard Libertarian
And I earn a poet’s wage.
I’m more honest than you’d like
And look nothing like Nick Cage.
If you’ve endured this poem
Without committing seppuku
Then here is what I will repeat:
Message if you want to.
Filed under Poems
Being Tall
Do I say I’m 5’11”
To seem as if I’m honest?
Do I say that I’m 6-foot-1
Because that is the truth?
Do I say that I’m 6-foot-3
‘Cause you’ll subtract two inches?
Or do I just say F*** it
And come off as uncouth?
Filed under Poems
I Don’t Even Care Enough To
Turkey, chicken, ostriche, duck.
Tonight I do not give a.
Filed under Poems
Economics Doesn’t Seem Like Such A Smart Path Of Study Now, Does It?
She looks at me with longing.
I see only snakes.
For a moment our eyes meet
Before I turn to stone,
Having time only to think
“Why didn’t I major in Greek Mythology?”
Filed under Poems
More Specific Lullaby
Hush little baby,
Don’t say a word.
Well,
That was easy.
Now quit crying.
Filed under Poems
Typoes
I’m a very lucky guy!
I got word from the IRS…
They’re giving me an Audi!
A brand new car? Oh yes!
The Next Humane Society Jingle
It’s the summer time
And it isn’t snowing.
The house needs cleaning,
The grass meeds mowing.
There’s no place to park
And the clouds have gone gray
But my heart’s light and sunny
‘Cause I neuter and spay.
Filed under Poems
Because There Are No Celebrities Named Cow
I have a pet dog
Named “Bounty Hunter.”
I have a pet cow named “Hog.”
I’ve got to say
It’s easier
To find a good name for a dog.
Filed under Poems
