Tag Archives: Humor

To All The PhDs Enjoying a Sporting Event Today (Or On A Given Future Day, Circumstances Permitting)

I realize this day is special

For a contest will take place

In which genetically superior constituents

Will seek, in scoring, to outpace

Their counterparts in opposition

Within a time allotted,

Thus justifying the fiduciary endowments

With which said constituents are besotted.

I hope that in future contests

Of similar athletic variety

That your subgroup of physically-fit object-movers

May prove worthy of your them-focused piety.

In fact, I would extend my well wishes

That your team may excel in perpetuity

Until their superior members inevitably decay

And we may correct our lost-time incongruity.

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One Does Not

Slap a chicken with a fish-

You may do that if you wish.

Put a baby in a pot-

Sure you can, or maybe not.

Eat raw eggs and bacon too-

I probably wouldn’t, but I’m not you.

There’s but one act that’s out of order:

Simply walking into Mordor.

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The One That Got Away

She was a lovely Venomoth

With 409 CP.

Although I gave her many Razz

She would not stay with me.

She ripped off all my Pokeballs

And left me pale with pallor.

I hope that she finds happiness

With someone from team Valor.

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Unbiased Advice On Picking Your Pokemon Go Team

Now that we can realize

Our Pokemon-catching dreams

We must make the hard decision

Of picking from three teams.

The team that you decide on

Is the team to which you stick,

So I’ve written this unbiased poem

To help you make your pick.

First we have team valor,

The team for the brave and true.

Second is team instinct

If impulsive describes you.

If either of these teams

Is the one you eventually choose

I hope that you find comfort

In the fact you’re sure to lose.

For among the three teams

One’s sure to reign supreme:

The mighty Articuno

Leads the mighty Mystic team!

If you reside anywhere

From the South Pole to Juneau

Know that you’ll find victory

With Team Blue and Articuno.

If you pick red and Moltres

Or Zapdos and team yellow

You’re surely a disgrace

And an addle-brain-ed fellow

For mystic gives you answers

That don’t require you to think.

Besides, unlike the other two

Team Mystic doesn’t stink.

I’ve presented much hard evidence

To support my choice,

But if you still think otherwise

I urge you – raise your voice!

I’d love to read your poems

That explain how you chose wrong.

Now just imagine this poem ends

With fireworks and a gong.

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If It Were Anyone Else…

I woke up to a naked woman

Playfully hitting me with foam

Which makes me think tomorrow

Grandma’s going to a home.

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I Started Out Inspired…

I have a feather duster

For if my birds get dusty.

I’ve got a picture frame

Just in case I commit a crime.

I’ve got a pizza face

For if I’m feeling crusty.

What I don’t have is a clue

Of how to end this poem in a satisfying way.

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Geographically Limited

I wish I had a pirate ship

To show off to my neighbors,

To terrorize the waterways

And make legends of my labors.

I’d earn the love of ladies fair

And earn the lawmen’s hate.

Yes, I’d be the best damn pirate

In Arizona state.

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My Life At This Moment

I’ve been awake

For fourty hours now.

Almost got murdered

By a stray dog tonight.

I’m whiter than mayo

Or milk from a cow

But they released #PokemonGo

So I guess I’m alright.

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Akin to Areas Without Allstate Coverage

I once sold tires for Goodyear

But my sales hit a kink.

We had a bad year at Goodyear.

Now I don’t know what to think.

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The Gingerbread’s Regrets

I told them to run, run, run.

In fact, I mercilessly taunted.

Alas the final result

Was nothing like what I wanted.

I did not fully consider

When all was said and done

The degree of just how slowly

We cookie-men can run.

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