Where have the real men gone, you ask,
And where have the damsels fled?
I hope the internet can tell me.
Meanwhile, I’ve got my bed.
Tag Archives: Humor
Starcrossed Nemeses
She was like a James Bond villain:
Charismatic, certainly,
And she had a pool of sharks
And talked nonstop to me.
That suited me just fine.
I’ve also got an evil brain,
But I’m the type of bad guy
With bad teeth who gets thrown off a train.
Filed under Poems
And I Bet They Have Cute Uniforms There
Do you want to be a wizard,
A chef or a vampire?
Do you want to train a monster
Or have power over fire?
Do you want to be a warrior
Who fights an evil horde?
Or maybe it’s that normal school
Just leaves you feeling bored.
If you want to read your family’s minds
Or own a talking cat,
Chances are, in animé,
There’s a school for that.
Filed under Poems
Energizer Bunnies
You ever seen one of those
Human-sized dolls
For guys who want lovin’
But don’t have the balls?
I really hope they’re electric.
That’s what I’ve concluded,
‘Cause what other double-D’s
Are “batteries not included?”
Filed under Poems
Vive L’Internet!
It’s 41 Farenheit
Outside my room.
It would be warm in Alaska
And cold in Khartoum.
In my car, my spedometer
Says 73.
That’s slow if you’re metric
But fast if you’re me.
Lots of life’s relative;
Could be good, could be bad,
But at least we agree
There’s arguments to be had!
Obligatory Thanksgiving Poem XIVII
I’m thankful for my family
And to you, my faithful fan.
Thanks to you I made this poem
Very short, because I can.
Filed under Poems
One Poem A Day: How Hard Can It Be?
I’m looking forward
To 2016,
Less so to the time
That comes in between,
For when the New Year
Comes rolling in
You feel able
To do anythin’.
But in 2015,
As it is right now
I’m cranking out poems
And tending electric cows.
And so in two months
I’ll be out of this funk.
For now I’ve got ice cream.
Hope you enjoyed this junk.
Filed under Poems
Full Moon
I heard yo’ mama’s missing.
Where she’s gone is rather dull.
Let’s just say the moon was hungry
But tonight the moon is full.
Filed under Poems
No New Messages
Hey there gurrls
On the internet.
I’m the sexiest nerd
You have digitally met.
My can read my handle:
TentaclesRMyLyfe.
I don’t mind you’re 16,
You can still be my wife.
You see my profile pic
With my shirt on the floor.
I know my photoshopped abs
Will make you swipe right for sure.
If you like obscure jokes
Come and give me a shout.
I’ve got a ragout rabbit
If your cooking’s maxed out.
Can I go all night?
Well, show you I will!
I can warranty that promise
With a little white pill.
So if you’re game, sexy,
Why not give me a “like?”
We’ll ride to heaven together
On my two-seater bike.
Filed under Poems
