I wonder if tigers,
Wolves, and Toucans
Think that their spirit
Animals are humans?
I could find no answer,
But see if you can.
And now I wonder whose spirit
Animal is a toucan.
Tag Archives: Humor
A Declaration of Independence From Humorless People
When in the course
Of humor events
It becomes necessary
To sever ties
Because jokes about Catholics,
Jews and Gents,*
Fat people and others
Are not always wise,
Then its time to move on
To where humor’s a sense
That people possess.
That’s just what I think.
So go somewhere unfollowable
By the immense,
The political and religious,
And flash them a wink.
*Abbreviation of “Gentiles.” Yes, I’m that stretched for a rhyme.
Happy Weekend!
Filed under Poems
…Until You Fall Asleep
Is it evil to hate those
Who collide at high speed
And slow down the traffic
On your way to work?
If you type “Lol”
When you mean “I hope you bleed,”
Is that being human
Or being a jerk?
If somebody pokes you
And you grab their head
And crush it with gusto
In an industrial vice,
Or set them on fire
And chant “Presto Combusto”
Is that so wrong?
Ok… I’ll be nice…
Filed under Poems
An Absence Of Violent Friends
I know a few ninjas
And I know a few knights
Who go to the park
And fly fancy kites.
Ask them for a teaspoon
And they’ll give you a cup.
They’re great ’til you need
To f*** someone up.
Filed under Poems
A Table By The Men’s Room
Our eyes joined as one
Across the smoky hall.
Your heartbeat grew faster
And you let out a call.
I stood and approached,
So graceful and tall.
You thought of love,
And I of nature’s call.
Filed under Poems
How To Spot A Sociopath
I saw a man at Starbucks
Ordering hot cocoa.
The barista asked, “You want whipped cream?”
And that sick human being said “No.”
Filed under Poems
Don’t Write a Poem When You’re Hungry
My mind is a pomegranate:
Juicy, seedy,
And it leaves stains on whatever it touches.
You don’t know how it opens
And it takes hours to process
And doesn’t fill you up.
Luckily my heart is some type of meat,
Probably liver.
Mmmm… Liver.
Two Minutes To Go
When you’re waiting for start time
Of a certain event
You can help pass the time
To a certain extent
By writing a poem,
By tying your shoes,
By checking your Facebook
Ot watching the news.
And it is not shameful
To abandon your task
If that for which you wait
Suddenly starts
And you can’t think of a rhyme
So screw it.
The Good Life
You haven’t bought an ostrich
For several months at least,
Nor have you cooked a lemon
In chestnuts, corks, or yeast.
You’ve never thrown a hand grenade
At some Windex in L.A.
So quit telling me you’re bored
And please just go away.
