It was built in the city
In a space it didn’t fit.
It was never used or looked at.
That’s all there is to it.
Tag Archives: Humor
Working for Myself
I had a lunch hour at my old job,
But that just wasn’t enough.
I need some time in the middle of the day
To just relax and stuff.
I told my boss about my plight.
Now I take two hours instead
To eat my meal and check my mail
And generally clear my head.
Still, my malaise remained in place,
Even when I took
My two 15-minute breaks
Before and after my lunch nook.
Now my lunch is 16 hours
And I’m darn pleased to heck.
Self employment’s really something,
But I wish they’d send my check.
Filed under Poems
The Slump
A slump is a chump
Whose throat has a lump,
As does its cerebral cortex.
It will make you it’s chow.
I’m stuck in one now.
(Either that or a temporal vortex).
Filed under Poems
He Takes Rejection Well
Cows stampede and lemings leap.
Dogs will chase that herd of sheep.
Boys will be boys and socks be darned.
Bad baby horses will be sent to their barn.
Lines will be crossed and drawn in the sand.
Books by this poet will someday be banned.
A tree will fall and turn into a log,
And Saturday she has to walk her friend’s dog.
Filed under Poems
I Hate Music
Trees are nice. So are rocks,
But not so much big cities,
‘Cause they are full of people
Whose heads are full of ditties.
They sing all day despite themselves,
Albeit silently.
I cannot stand these catchy tunes
That I cannot hear or see.
And so I moved out to the woods
Are jingles don’t exist.
And now getting rid of the birds
Is on my to-do list.
Filed under Poems
We Aim To Please
If you aim to please a woman:
If you aim to please a woman
In the daytime or the night
You must have the understanding
That you will do nothing right.
Women come in all varieties,
Not unlike an apple.
They’re made of the best stuff on Earth
Just like a can of Snapple.
But like a can of Snapple
With the label torn away,
You don’t know what you’ll be getting.
Don’t worry, that’s okay.
If you aim to please a man:
Take off your clothes.
Get out of those
Garments that were “Get in its.”
Then lay on back,
Hope that it’s black,
And enjoy the next three minutes.
Filed under Poems
The Missing Poem of June 30th (AKA the Page That Wouldn’t Die)
Eight days ago I wrote
A poem. “What?” you gasp.
I raise my eyebrow at your sarcasm
And then my hands I clasp.
The problem with this poem
Was that I wrote it as a page,
So it did not show up in this feed.
You cannot guess my rage.
So know I’ve fixed the error
And I present for you
The June 30th poem
That you thought had gone askew.
Coworkers:
I hit the nail on the head,
Pound, pound, pound.
I hit the nail many times
And beat it into the ground.
I hammered on that nail
With all my worldly might,
And as I did, I thought of you.
It brought me much delight.
Maybe it was better
That the poem above was lost.
I no longer feel the way I did.
This line rhymes with Faust.
Now mercifully I leave you
Until the Ninth of July.
Thanks again Dear Readers,
And once again, good bye.
On an unrelated, but absolutely true note, this stupid Meta-poem posted itself as a page, rather than a post, twice. It may still be a page. We will see.
Filed under Poems
Ambition
If I were a blue whale
I’d out-majestic you.
If I were an elephant
My trunk would go “kabloo!”
If I were a father moose
I’d step in front of your car.
If I were a Bengal tiger
I’d stalk you at the bar.
If I were a dog
I’d give you a real’ good lickin’.
If I were the neighbor’s cat
I’d bring you a dead chicken.
If I were a fearsome beast
Your heart, I’m sure, would freeze.
But I’m a rat who pulls a lever
To get a piece of cheese.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 