Victory is sweet.
Sweet things aren’t good for your health.
“Loser” means “healthy”.
Tag Archives: Life
Secrets From Da Biz
Play a little bit wrong
With a lottle bit of style
And the people gonna clap
And the judges gonna smile.
But if you play it perfectly
And accurately articulate
I hoping you enjoy standing
By the phone, where you’ll forever wait.
Filed under Poems
Untitled Goose Poem
You’re always here.
You’re always loud.
“I am a goose”
You shriek, so proud.
You’ll never leave.
Your song won’t cease.
For certainty
I thank you, geese.
Filed under Poems
Hey Boss, Today I’ve Prepared This 8-Hour Video For You Showing How Your Employee Spends A Typical Workday. It Will Be Graded
When a teacher is sick
They call in a sub
Who may or may not know the material.
I think all jobs
Should have similar deals
When they contract something bacterial.
If you get a cough
Or an ache or a wheeze
Your workplace will fet on a call
With some guy named “Jake”
Who comes to your desk
And proceeds to do no work at all.
I don’t want this deal
Because I slack off
Or because it will help anyone;
I want this because
If I could have any job
“Substitute you” would be pretty fun.
Filed under Poems
Manly Thoughts
We’ve marketed bottles water
And, in some places, fresh air.
I think next we should bottle sleep
(If the marketing people care).
Just twist the child-proof yellow cap
And chug an hour of rest.
Sure, we have caffeine for that
But caffeine’s not the best.
Instead, just but some shuteye
Or even forty winks
And feel refreshed much quicker
And save your bed for kinks.
I’m not sure how you’d do it
But I’m quite sure that we should.
But now I’ll sleep for free again
And pray for morning wood.
Filed under Poems
Innocence Dies First, Closely Followed By Spontaneity
Being an adult
Means you schedule things like sex
And video games
I Write While Sleepy On The Couch Before I Go To My Bed To Not Fall Asleep For Half An Hour
It’s bedtime again.
Tomorrow I go to work.
Life is Groundhog Day.
Filed under Poems
Wishing You A Fungus-Free New Year
I’m starting out the new year
By achieving my daily goals
Like writing my daily poetry
And avoiding benzimidazoles.
And yes, my new goals do include
Some oddly specific stuff
But that’s the sacrifice we make
Because rhyming is tough.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Mistake
Every day I write some rhymes
But in these most uncertain times
I find some days I have forgot:
I meant to write, but I did not.
Yesterday was an instance such
Where my discipline did lose its touch.
But now I’m back! Fear not my friend!
These cringeworthy verses have yet to end!
Filed under Poems
Modern Detox
If you’re in need of a business idea
I have a suggestion for you:
An apartment complex for people who want
To live like 1992.
The rent will be $500 a month
And the internet’s 10 sites or so,
Your neighbors are friendly, their kids play outside,
And Roseanne’s your favorite show.
A black Friday toaster is 25 cents
And so is a Big Mac with fries
And you can get Cracker Jack from Cracker Barrel
And it comes with an actual prize!
Phones have a wire, movies are physical
And they need to be rewound.
Nostalgia is hot. Spending money is not.
Does not this idea seem sound?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 