Being an adult
Means you schedule things like sex
And video games
Tag Archives: Life
I Write While Sleepy On The Couch Before I Go To My Bed To Not Fall Asleep For Half An Hour
It’s bedtime again.
Tomorrow I go to work.
Life is Groundhog Day.
Filed under Poems
Wishing You A Fungus-Free New Year
I’m starting out the new year
By achieving my daily goals
Like writing my daily poetry
And avoiding benzimidazoles.
And yes, my new goals do include
Some oddly specific stuff
But that’s the sacrifice we make
Because rhyming is tough.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Mistake
Every day I write some rhymes
But in these most uncertain times
I find some days I have forgot:
I meant to write, but I did not.
Yesterday was an instance such
Where my discipline did lose its touch.
But now I’m back! Fear not my friend!
These cringeworthy verses have yet to end!
Filed under Poems
Modern Detox
If you’re in need of a business idea
I have a suggestion for you:
An apartment complex for people who want
To live like 1992.
The rent will be $500 a month
And the internet’s 10 sites or so,
Your neighbors are friendly, their kids play outside,
And Roseanne’s your favorite show.
A black Friday toaster is 25 cents
And so is a Big Mac with fries
And you can get Cracker Jack from Cracker Barrel
And it comes with an actual prize!
Phones have a wire, movies are physical
And they need to be rewound.
Nostalgia is hot. Spending money is not.
Does not this idea seem sound?
Filed under Poems
No One Ever Got Hurt Falling From Rock Bottom
You can’t assault the willing
Or rob the destitute.
You cannot kill the corpses
Or silence the already mute.
You can’t raze the fallen
Nor an existing travesty botch
So if you feel targeted
Maybe take it down a notch.
Saves Us Several Weeks Of Suffering In January, I Guess
The Rams faced off with the Seahawks
Who forgot how to lace up their Reeboks.
The hawks made four kicks
Betwtixt their four picks
And now they’re not Super Bowl 60 locks.
Filed under Poems
Gift Cards
Happy Birthday dude!
Here’s cash you can only spend
Somewhere you don’t go.
Filed under Poems
You’re Used To It By Now
5:00 AM alarm
Set for wake up tomorrow
Thus, it’s haiku night!
Filed under Poems
Read That Last Word With Four Syllables To Make Me Seem Smarter
When you are a poetic bard
Having a social life is hard
Because you may be out at night
But need to do a daily write.
Hypothetical as this may sound
This is where I, this night, am found.
When you read other brief poems by me
Know that I’m healthy socially.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 